. Smiling at people lets them know that you are pleasant. Look the person in the eye and give them a small smile or a wide grin - it doesn't matter which. This sets the mood of the encounter, and usually encourages the other person to smile back. If they don't, then maybe they are just having a bad day. That's OK; being nice doesn't guarantee a positive response, but it usually helps.
Smile when you pass people in the street, when you buy something from a shop clerk, when you walk into school in the morning, or any time you make eye contact with someone else.
Smile even when you're feeling low. You can still be nice when you're in a bad mood. Why spread your negative energy to other people?
If you are in a bad mood and don't want to listen to people, try listening to music, drawing, or something else you enjoy to prevent yourself from acting harshly towards people or being rude (even if you don't mean to be).
Acknowledge other people. When you're walking past someone, even a stranger, acknowledge their presence with a simple "hello" or "hi," or even just a wave or a nod in their direction. Letting people know
it makes people feel a little more special.
If you're walking through a crowded city, it can be hard to acknowledge everyone you pass. Try to at least be nice to the people you end up sitting next to on a bus or plane, or those who accidentally bump into you.
Say "good morning" to your fellow classmates and teachers or coworkers in the morning when you walk into school or your work place. You'll soon earn a reputation as a nice person.
Ask people how they are doing. Take the time to ask someone how things are going in their lives, without being nosy or intrusive. If they seem resistant to talking, don't push them to say more than they feel like saying.
Listen when other people are talking to you. It isn't nice to just ignore other people's opinions and stories. Give them time to speak, just as you'd like them to give you time to speak if your positions were reversed.
If you find that someone is becoming rude or pushy, never put your hands on your mouth or make a rude face. Just politely wait for them to finish and change the topic after they've discussed theirs.
Being nice doesn't mean letting yourself get pushed around. If you're talking to a stranger who starts to make you uncomfortable, it's okay to excuse yourself and walk away.
Be courteous. Always say "please," "thank you" and "you're welcome." Be patient, observant, and considerate. Treat people with respect, even those you don't particularly want to get to know.
Don't forget to always say "Excuse me" instead of "MOVE!" when someone's in your way. People aren't the ground that you can just spit on, they are living beings like you. If you are respectful to that person, that person will usually act the same way.
If you're on public transportation and an elderly, disabled or pregnant person gets on board, offer your seat. It's the nice thing to do.
If you see someone in need of a little help picking up something he or she dropped or reaching something from a high shelf, help out.
Don't forget to be nice to animals. If you want to be a truly nice person, you've got to be nice to animals, too. Don't tease them or think of them as little robots you can treat however you want. Animals deserve respect just like other beings.
Never hit or otherwise hurt an animal, whether it's your pet, someone else pet, a stray, or a wild animal.
Never tease an animal for your own amusement. This goes for bugs, spiders, mice, birds, squirrels, fish, and any other creatures you might come upon.
If you find an animal or bug in your house, use a humane way of putting it outside or keeping the population down.
When your friends look to you for advice or just to set the mood of a conversation, don't be negative or critical. Keep looking for the positive in any given situation. Cheer them up. There are two sides to every situation: the positive side and the negative side. Nice people help others see the bright side of things.
Praise your friends' accomplishments. If your friend does a good job on a test or wins a prize, tell him or her congratulations!
Compliment your friends. If you have a friend who doesn't like her hair, tell her you think it's gorgeous, or compliment her on her pretty smile.
Sometimes people need to let you negative steam. You can be positive and nice without b make sure the tone of your feedback isn't out of touch with what your friend is trying to tell you.
Do you tend to look down your nose at people who are different or "weird"? It's not nice to believe that you are better than other people. You're an individual, but everybody has their struggles, and being nice to one another makes life better for everyone. Everybody is equal, and when you talk about how great you are, you make others feel less valuable.
Don't brag or have a high ego. If you accomplished something great, that's certainly something to be proud of - just make sure to acknowledge the people who helped you along the way.
Don't judge people until you really know them. Don't make assumptions about people based on how they look or speak. Realize that first impressions don't always reveal the truth.
Don't be nice as a means to an end. If you just want to be nice so that you can gain preferential treatment, it's quite the opposite of being nice-it's deceptive, shallow and cruel. Be nice because you want to look back on your life and know that you were a nice person, no matter what. Be nice because you feel like you willingly want to.
Don't be two-faced. Don't talk about people and don't be a backstabber. Being nice to people's faces helps you gain their trust, and you're betraying that if you talk about them behind their backs. Don't ever gossip about other people you don't like. It's bad karma, and it makes you look shallow, not nice.
Fill your days with small acts of kindness. Those little, everyday things, like holding the door for a teacher you don't know, or smiling at someone who isn't always nice to you - they don't seem to matter much, but in the end, doing these will make you seem like a much nicer person.
Don't discriminate. Be equally nice to everyone. Even if you're nice to your friends and teachers, but you aren't nice to people who aren't cool or popular, you may not actually seem as nice as you actually are.
If you see your mom or dad struggling to juggle all the chores that need to be done, offer to help. Put others before yourself when you have energy and time to spare. Your nice acts will definitely be rewarded in the long run, so don't be self-centered.
Don't wait to be asked to help out. Learn how to spot times when other people are in need.
Find creative ways to help! Help your siblings with homework, listen to your spouse's idea for a new project, make breakfast for your family, walk the dog, drive your sister to school, and so on.
Learn how to share. Sharing can mean dividing your dessert in half to give some to your younger sibling, or it can mean giving up something bigger, like your time, space or words of wisdom. Being generous is part of what it means to be nice. Try not to take more than you give, and when you are able, give more than you take.
Be reliable. Part of being nice to family members and others you love is being there for them in times of need. Respond to emails, answer the phone when people call, don't flake out on plans, and spend time talking when the other person asks you to listen.
If someone leaves you a message, call them back promptly. It's not nice to leave them hanging for days on end.
If you say you'll be somewhere, be there. If you say you'll do something, do it. Being flaky hurts people's confidence in you, and it's not a nice way to act. Commit to your friendship.
Take the high road. Sometimes it's not easy to be nice. You'll encounter situations that will test your ability to be a nice person. Even people you love may at times be flaky, judgmental, egotistical, selfish, or outright mean. You've got to avoid sinking to their level. Don't turn from nice to cruel just because your patience is being tested.
If your brother or sister is trying to pick a fight, don't let it escalate on your behalf. Calm down and refuse to act mean.
When you become angry and feel you're going to act in a way that isn't nice, take it out in a different way instead of being cruel. Go for a run, beat up your pillow, or calm down with a video game. You have control over your actions and behavior.
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Try to do something nice, every day. Anonymously or not. It'll bring up your mood and will make someone else day. It's much easier to be nice when you're happy.
Don't laugh at other peoples' mistakes and don't point out their faults too harshly. It's okay to joke, of course, but u think about what you're about to say, and consider the fact that just because you may not be offended by a certain comment, others could be.
Don`t judge other people with your standards, because what is good for someone can be bad or hurtful for someone else.
If you are really struggling with being nice to someone you really don't like, go imagine that person truly hurt or crying. If you think "serves them right" then you need to think deeper. If you would try to comfort them or save them, that usually changes hate to care.
When you're trying to be nice in general, don't ever forget to project a positive attitude. There's a positive side to everything, and you just have to believe in it. Comfort, Care, Pleasure, and Positivity will make you happier with yourself and nicer with other people.
Don't fight over silly things. Work it out or tell a parent.
Don't insult people, no matter how mad you are.
No matter how different people look treat them as if they are your family or friends.
Don't say hi all the time or it gets creepy. Especially if you don't know the person.
Always be kind. Treat others like you want to be treated.
Try not to say anything offensive to the person you're talking to.
If friends are not being nice to you don't flip out! Sit down and ask them what's wrong. Having feelings for other people is important too.
If someone you know is sitting alone sit with them and get to know them more.
Treat people in a way you would expect to be treated.
Compliment people. It may make someone feel better if there is a problem or situation that they are going through.
An encouraging statement or pat on the back can go along way, especially in an office/team setting.
Don't gossip. It's not nice to talk about people behind their backs, no matter how much you dislike them.
Try being more aware of other people's feelings.
Don't call people name behind their back. You need to be nice towards others whether they are infront of you or not.
If somebody tells you a secret and you promise not to tell anybody, don't go back on your word. If you do, the person will probably lose the majority of their trust for you.
While being nice, do not be a total pushover. Compromise is good, but expect to be treated fairly. Don't be afraid to stand up for what is right and do not hesitate to defend someone. If you find that you're being considerate of someone's time but they are not being considerate of yours, bow out as respectfully as you can and make yourself scarce.
You may have heard that "It doesn't matter what someone looks like, but it's what's on the inside that counts". This is partially true, but you only have one chance at meeting someone. If you are barbarous the first time, that is how you'll be known. If you are friendly the first impression, people will know you as nice and sincere.
Be careful smiling or saying hi to someone who you have a bad background with. It can backfire and they may think your being sly and they may reply with a not very nice comment.
Be careful of people may dislike you for that.
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Becomean Author!“How did your day go?”
“It was horrible.”
“Aw, cheer up. It’ll get better soon!”
“Cheer up” means, “don’t feel the way you do.”
It’s not the same as, “I’m sorry to hear that.” Or, “Can I do anything to help?” Or even, “I hope you feel better soon.”
It might even mean “I don’t want to hear about it.”
In which case, it’s an emotion-phobic exchange. Under the guise of casual politeness of course.
Emotion phobic communication
Such exchanges occur all the time. You just have to listen carefully to read between the lines.
Whenever you talk about how you’re really feeling or what you really think — and
— people get uncomfortable. (Granted, there are times when talking about such things is inappropriate or disrespectful.)
They might squirm, fidget, or attack you sideways.
They might also try to shut you up. Or put nicely, censor you, change the topic, distract you, or make it all seem like it’s a-okay.
We all deflect
If Vincent’s mad about a project at work. And Traci so happens to be in the same room. It’s not okay for Vincent to vent without Traci’s consent, let alone expect her to be receptive, concerned, or even able to listen.
But Vincent vents anyway. And Traci deflects his vent by saying, “Look Vincent, I have to pick up my mom from the airport in ten minutes. Do you want to talk about this problem later?”
In this situation, Traci sets a boundary.
We set boundaries all the time.
You’re . And no one is indefinitely available to you.
If someone asks you specifically how you are doing, what’s wrong, or what you think. And you tell them. And they deflect your thoughts and/or feelings.
They’re probably invalidating you instead of setting a boundary.
Because after all, they asked. They got what they asked for. They didn’t like it.
And now in defense they’re trying to tell you:
How you really feel,
What you shouldn’t feel,
What you should feel
What you will feel, or
It’s all very subtle of course.
Until you notice — then it’s glaring.
Are you being censored?
Anytime you talk about how some adversity (person, animal, situation, place or thing) upset, disappointed or wronged you, the other person will either:
Be comfortable hearing about it, all of it (e.g, your closest friend)
Be comfortable hearing about it, but only parts of it, or casually (e.g., an acquaintance)
Be comfortable telling you they’d rather not hear about it (like a healthy deflection)
Be uncomfortable hearing about it, but not tell you directly
It’s the last case the other person might say something that actually invalidates your feelings.
75 ways people say “I don’t want to hear about how you’re really feeling”
Oh, it’s not so bad.
It’s all good.
Just let it go.
Things will get better.
Don’t worry, you’ll feel better.
C’mon, you’re okay.
Life’s too short to worry about this.
There’s nothing you can do now.
You can’t change it, so why worry?
The past is the past.
Don’t dwell.
There’s no point fretting over it.
It’s not worth it.
You’re only going to make it worse by complaining.
Don’t feed into it.
Don’t let it take up your energy.
Take the high road.
Be the better person.
Toughen up.
Choose your battles wisely. (This shouldn’t count.)
Oh, they didn’t mean it.
What’s the big deal? (This shouldn’t be a big deal.)
I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. (I don’t want to understand what the fuss is about.)
Get some perspective. (Quit being so myopic.)
Wow, how could you say/think/feel that? (I think it’s impossible for you to say/think/feel that.)
You’re making this bigger than it is. (It’s a small thing.)
You’re over-exaggerating. (It’s your problem.)
You’re looking too much into it. (You’re causing yourself agony.)
It’s not about you.
You shouldn’t have gotten wrapped up in it.
It doesn’t mean anything.
Don’t let it get to you.
Don’t beat yourself up about it.
Don’t let it ruin your day.
This is trivial.
They don’t matter to you.
Don’t let them under your skin.
Try to calm down.
You have better things to do than get upset.
Don’t be a drama queen.
Don’t be such a baby.
Don’t be so sour.
You’re too sensitive.
Your reaction doesn’t make sense.
Try to stay logical.
It’s best to stay level-headed.
Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
You don’t really mean that.
Think about what you’re saying here.
Don’t say things you don’t really mean.
Are you sure it wasn’t your fault?
— what’s the value in the lesson?
Just send them love.
Look on the bright side.
Stay positive.
Find something to be grateful for.
Maybe it’s a good thing it happened?
It’s your choice to feel/react/respond that way. (They’re off the hook for their actions.)
I’m sorry you feel that way, because you shouldn’t.
I’m sorry you misunderstood me.
Well, no one’s perfect.
Everyone makes mistakes.
They did that to you because they’re acting out of fear. (That lets them off the hook.)
They’re acting out of pain. (That lets them off the hook.)
It’s their own stuff.
You just need to [insert acitivty here].
[Insert change of topic here.]
Get a grip already.
“Something’s wrong with you.”
The examples above imply:
It’s a bad thing you’re feeling/thinking that way
The feeling/thinking is a problem
That problem needs to “go away”
You need to make that problem feeling/thinking go away (instead of addressing the problem that the uncomfortable feeling/thinking )
If you don’t make that problem feeling/thinking go away, then
And things will get worse
It’s not about you
The problem with that logic is: You’re not the problem.
You may be temporarily experiencing a negative emotion. But it’s not the end of the world. (They only think it is.)
Your emotions may be alerting you to problems in your environment and/or your thinking. But you don’t have a problem with feeling the way you do. After all, you were comfortable enough with that feeling to share it!
The real problem is: They’re uncomfortable with how you’re feeling.
It’s the other person’s problem
Instead of looking at their own reaction and owning up to their own discomfort when you talk about something that’s “too” emotional — the other person blames you.
Makes it all your fault that they’re unwilling to get emotional, or to be fully present, or to genuinely accept that you feel the way you feel.
People who don’t want to experience their own negative emotions sure as heck don’t want you to express yours. Because then they might have to
for their actions, connect with you, empathize, or get in touch with themselves — which they’ve (unconsciously) decided is way too painful.
You become someone else’s problem when you voice what they can’t accept in their own self.
Pay attention when someone deflects your feelings
Start to listen for those phrases in your every day. You’ll pick up on when people try to censor you.
You might decide not to let someone censor you. Or you might see how uncomfortable they actually are, and rethink how you can (casually) relate to them.
Emotion-phobic exchanges aren’t always the end of the world. Some might even be well-intentioned. But they can prick you when you don’t notice. So just pay attention.
Context matters too. You can’t pour your heart out to everyone. Emotional intimacy is exclusive, not open.
Just remember, you deserve better than emotional censorship.
And also remember, , too.
Have you been censored?
Do you hear any of the above phrases in your daily grind? Do you have any other phrases to add?
How do such phrases impact you?
How do you respond?
Do you want to learn more about how to work with your emotions? Sign up for the .
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