I was out with my four kids last week for our second round of school supply shopping. It’s as awful as it sounds, but even worse when you haven’t been able to find the blank index cards, 1.5 inch binder, and the purple-has-to-be-purple-not-blue folder anywhere.
There’s no quickly whipping through the store to find what you need because there are children involved, children who really need that cool iPhone case, and those headphones, and that Sam and Cat notebook pleeeeeeeease, which really, I would be more than happy to get you the Sam and Cat folder, child, but your teacher requires a purple folder and that is what you shall get even if I have a panic attack in the middle of Staples.
Of course, then the smartypants tries to kidsplain you about how the folder has purple in it and you kind of love them for it but the rule follower in you must have a folder that is entirely purple and so you squash their creative spirit just so you can check an item off your to-do list.
And so, we searched, or really, I searched while they tagged along, making the best of their boredom, which appeared to me as being a bit disruptive to other shoppers. No, they we’re being destructive, but they were wandering without looking in front of them, laughing loudly at poop jokes, and well, just having fun.
Then my son sped in front of a nice woman looking at the piles of crayon boxes, which compelled me to apologize and give her the knowing look all moms have that is a cross between “Oh, kids!” and “They’re actually pretty awesome when we’re not in a huge store with a ridiculous amount of people and stimuli. You’d like them, really!”
She looked up at me rather sternly and said “Never say you’re sorry,” and wow, it caught me off guard.
I expected the “No problem!” or “Don’t worry!” or maybe even a heavy sigh and an eye roll. But a thoughtful, insightful statement like that? Well, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
It came on the heels of me intently trying to adjust the expectations I have for my children when I’m out. With less help and the need to get out and do more, I’m relegated to take them places, like the grocery store, Target, the dreaded second round of back-to-school shopping that I’d usually save for when they were in school or with a sitter because trying to wrangle them exhausts and frustrates me.
But when I took a closer look at what was happening when we were out, most of the wrangling I’m doing is unnecessary, and more importantly, is
about my own beliefs about how kids should act in public and not necessarily how other people think they should.
There’s a bit about lack of preparation as well, which when I’ve got activities, and snacks, and bubble gum I pretty much win the outings hands down, however there’s no denying the presence of a shared value that children need to act like adults when they’re out, and anything less than that is unacceptable. And worse, a reflection on the parents. And we all feed into it because when someone says your kids are so well-behaved it feels good. Like you’ve done something right in a job in which you often feel like a failure. Or at least, like you have no idea what you’re doing.
I totally get it.
But what this women reminded me is that kids are kids, and their aptitude for outings and shopping trips and waiting rooms is vastly different than adults. And so while I don’t want them jumping on couches or tossing items off shelves, I think it’s fair that they might want to play and laugh and run around.
Sure, I’ll still be setting limits that consider their safety as well as respect for people and items in a store. But I’m going to try to let them be kids more. And never apologize for it.
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About the Author
Kristen Chase
Kristen Chase is a writer, author, and a single mom of four. It’s as exhausting as it sounds (at least the mom part). Also, awesome.
Kristen is also co-founder of Kristen Chase is a writer, author, and a single mom of four. It’s as exhausting as it sounds (at least the mom part). Also, awesome.
Kristen is also co-founder of
and author of .Never Apologize for Your Chicken | Big Think
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Never Apologize for Your Chicken
Over a year ago
I got some good advice in one of my lectures today from the co-founder of my film school
gets the nod on this clever colloquilism). The worst thing you can do is preface a presentation with an apology. That works with everything in life. The key is to do your best and then present it confidently as being your best. If your presenting something (be it powerpoint, painting, film, code, project, or absolutely anything) do you want the audience to walk in with a negative mood or a positive mood? The example Stephen used was cooking someone dinner. If you goto someone’s house for dinner and the cook starts the meal with apologizing for overcooking the chicken, you are going to look for flaws in the food instead of enjoy the dinner. So don’t apologize for your chicken, whatever your chicken may be.
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Sometimes it's good to apologize, but sometimes it's not...Here are ten things you should never apologize for:1. Laughing from your core.It seems to me that somehow, through life and social upbringing, we are taught not to
and hard like we did as kids. I have to say, how great does it feel when someone catches you off guard with something truly hilarious and you release that loud, from the gut laugh. It is such a rush of adrenaline to release such a raw, powerful and joyful emotion. Life is too short to be scared to laugh.2. Loving someone with everything you’ve got.The very first time you had a crush on someone, and they didn’t like you back, you got stung. They didn’t ask you to dance at the junior high dance. Your high school sweetheart moved away to college and you did as well. These moments all build on each other, each making the next venture in love more careful and well thought out. This can be a good thing. We learn to love wisely and for the right reasons in an attempt to avoid pain. &The risk is we also build walls that shield us from great moments and people,
and adventures. If we continue to view relationships as either risky or safe, how will we know if we missed out on letting our heart guide us? &Love must be a risk, and we must never apologize to ourselves, our lovers, our family, or our friends for past trauma or emotions. Embrace them and move forward. Move into love.3. Making time to read a .Literature is the one way we communicate with the past and present. We tell each other stories about our lives and the world. We give each other ways of escaping into different realities. Don’t feel like you should be doing something else or that you’re wasting time.4. Looking at the moon and commenting on the shape and size.You know you do it. The moon is completely majestic and amazing. It embodies wonder and beauty. We cannot fully comprehend it, and yet we can relish in the light it shines in the dark on everyone, everywhere. &Stopping to “ooh and ahh” at a little crescent or a full, yellow moon is a moment of literally stopping to smell the roses. You are stopping to acknowledge beauty that is beyond yourself.&5. Telling someone the truth, even when it would be easier not to.Now, don’t get me wrong, I think we all agree there are moments when not saying the truth of what is on your mind is the kinder choice. However, there is no need to feel guilty or apologetic for expressing what you truly and honestly believe. That takes courage and strength.Be the kind of friend you would want to have.6. Never speaking to an ex again.It didn’t work out, and that is rough. &No matter how good of a friend they were to you, your mind has an emotional weight on it when it comes to this person. If being friends is completely fine, I’m not saying cut someone out. However, there should be pressure for you to feel like their emotional well-being is your responsibility or keeping them in your life will be easier for your . &7. Asking questions.Not knowing is one thing. Having the courage to say “I don’t understand” is another.8. Trying something new.Maybe you tried paddleboarding for the first time on your family vacation, cooking a new recipe, or took a zumba class and it wasn’t your thing. &Oh well! You tried it. The little decisions like that are what build up a courage in our everyday lives.9. Watching the sparkles on the ocean.In my opinion, there are few things more beautiful than the little sparkles on the tip of the ocean waves. Anytime you are around a natural beauty, stop and stare. Don’t feel bad for not talking, not looking at your phone or thinking about work. If something is beautiful, allow it to make you feel something, even if you don’t know what that something is.10. Spoiling yourself on your birthday.Why not? It’s your birthday! The one day a year you have to stop and think about you. &That’s not vain, no apologies for caring about yourself. Make it a tradition of celebrating yourself every year. Even if it’s as simple as buying yourself a cupcake or taking the time to go on a walk, reading a book in a park, or stopping for that tasty, chocolaty latte you crave. Love starts from within. If other people are allowed to celebrate you, it should start with you thanking yourself for being you.
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Andrea Speir is the face of DailyBurn’s pilates and has starred in two top selling DVD’s, “Trim, Tighten and Tone” (2014) and “Perfect Pilates Body” (2013). Andrea’s method fuses classical Pilates with modern cardio and intense circuit training. Her first studio, , opened in downtown Santa Monica in March.Photo…
Andrea Speir is the face of DailyBurn’s pilates and has starred in two top selling DVD’s, “Trim, Tighten and Tone” (2014) and “Perfect Pilates Body” (2013). Andrea’s method fuses classical Pilates with modern cardio and intense circuit training. Her first studio, , opened in downtown Santa Monica in March.Photo…
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