Can you read the language of love?
Here's how to read the body signals of the opposite sex.
Do you ever wish there was a magic wand that would make you more attractive to the opposite sex, or at least help you understand ? Well, it's no magic but a science. Here's how men and women can learn to master the art of love." is hardwired into our brains, and therefore most often used in unconscious movements," says Allan Pease, body language expert and author of The Body Language of Love, (Harper Collins, $19.85). "Women are better wired for picking up on non-verbal signals, so if men want to increase their chances in the mating game, then they should learn how to decode gestures women commonly use."
When women toss or flick their : If you are talking to a woman and she flicks her hair, it definitely means she's into you. But if you're the one watching and she's done it for someone else, well, better luck next time. "You'll be surprised at how common
flick and head toss is," says his wife and co-author of the book, Barbara Pease. "Even women with short hair do it all the time." It's a woman's way to show she cares about how she looks and wants to impress her man.
When women fiddle with a round object: Sounds like something you might see in a cheesy Benny Hill show, but Allan says, it's true. If a woman is fondling a phallic-shaped object such as the stem of a wine glass or a dangling earring and giving you repeated glances, she finds you attractive. "It also means she's approachable," adds Barbara.
When women are unconsciously touching themselves: This is body language at the most basic level. "Watch for a woman slowly stroking her neck, throat or thigh," says Allan. "If a man plays his cards right, then he may get to touch her in the same way.
When women point their knees: When you see a woman sitting with one leg tucked up under her, chances are that the knee pointing outwards is pointing towards the person she finds the most interesting. Hope that is you. If she's wearing a dress or skirt, it can offer a fleeting glimpse of an exposed thigh to anyone who's looking & preferably the person of interest.
When women put their face on display: A woman who is trying to attract a man's attention, with elbows resting on a surface, will place one hand on top of the other, then place her chin on her hands and face directly to him as is she is offering it to him for admiration. "It is an extremely feminine gesture, and an intimate one, as it also allows the woman to lean in towards the man," says Barbara. "It also indicates that he has her full attention, and is open to flattery, flirtation and advances."
But for women, there is a comparative lack of male courtship signals. "Men don't play a courtship game," says Barbara. "They only respond to it." Girls, watch out for the following and scout out your man:
When men have protruding thumbs: Thumbs are prominent in many hand gestures, as they represent strength of character and the ego. "A man will use protruding thumbs, in front or back pockets, around women to whom he is attracted," says Allan.
When men display their crotch: Every woman reading this knows at least one man who sits with his legs spread wide at her, like he is taking her photograph. "The crotch display is effectively putting a man's masculinity on show," says Barbara. "His feet are planted firmly on the ground, with his legs apart, displaying the crotch, and letting whoever is observing know that he's not going anywhere.
When their fingers point to what he wants you to notice: When a man's thumbs are tucked into his belt or into the tops of the pockets to frame the genital area, it indicates a sexually aggressive attitude. Allan says this gesture shows to a woman that "I am ready for action". "He has unwittingly given away what's on his mind," adds Barbara.
When men try hard: To make them look more appealing, men will unconsciously arrange their clothing. They will straighten their tie, brush imaginary dust off their shoulder and adjusts their trousers. "His mind says, 'I want to look my best for you' and his body responds accordingly," adds Allan.
When men take up space: A man will put his hands on his hips to occupy as much space as possible to become more noticeable. He may even start to rock back and forth on the soles of his feet as if he was making love in a standing position. According to Barbara, "When it comes to male courtship signals, women often ask me, 'For men, is it always about sex?' Disappointingly for many women, the answer is 'yes'."
If a woman slowly crosses and uncrosses her legs then she is into you. If not, her legs would stay firmly in place.
If a woman has put her handbag close to you, she likes you. But if she has just clutched it tightly, bugger off.
If a woman has her legs together and body facing away, buddy, you are going home alone tonight.
When a man is wearing tight-fitting trousers, small-size Speedos or dangling the long end of a belt or a bunch of keys in front of their crotch, it means they're putting their masculinity on display. It's the same as a woman with a push-up bra.
When a man puts his hands in his pocket, it means they are closed-off.
When a man mirrors a woman's facial expressions, she'll think he is caring and attractive.
Jiggling feet is a sign of boredom.
Locked ankles show negative emotions.
Extended blinking, covering their mouth, rubbing eyes all mean the person is lying.
The Body Language of Love, (Harper Collins, $19.85)
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You Say “Flawed”, He Says “Sexy”: What Men Really Think About Your Body
The Author
Claire Casey has spent years traveling the sometimes dazzling, sometimes dark and rocky paths that connect the hearts of men to the women they love. As a lifelong writer, she has studied and written about the ways men and women grow (or destroy) love. Unlike the spotlight-loving, entertainment-based celebrity relationship coaches, Claire isn't a model or a TV spokesperson, and she doesn't have a lot of academic letters after her name... She just quietly empowers women to attract the kind of man who will treasure and protect a woman's heart like the rare and beautiful gem it is.
This may come as a shock to you but guys have different eyeballs than you do.
You know why I&#8217;m saying that?
Because when YOU look at yourself in the mirror, you see that front tooth that&#8217;s a bit crooked, the line where your bra presses in (you call this your &#8216;back fat&#8217;), the too-small breasts or the too-wide rear, your goofy knees, funny toes&#8230;. The list goes on and on.
But you know what your MAN sees?
A woman he&#8217;d love to strip naked and get busy with right this instant, maybe sooner.
MY PERSONAL BODY PART CONFESSION..
Maybe you have a muffin top &#8216;thing,&#8217; but I used to HATE my feet.
When I was a teenager, I had surgery on my big toes (bunions, it&#8217;s such an ugly word!!) and for the next 20 years I zealously covered my feet. I never EVER owned a pair of sandals or open-toed shoes and would have died before I let a man openly look at my feet.
I have a big scar running the length of both big toes. My second toe is longer. My feet are&#8230; wanky. You know. Ugh, I could make myself MISERABLE thinking about my feet.
Shockingly, amazingly, wonderfully, I found a man actually willing (he would say, desperate!) to marry me.
I hope you&#8217;re laughing now, but at the time, I found it next to impossible to think about what kind of man would marry me &#8216;even with these feet.&#8217;
3 WAYS MEN SEE YOUR BODY
If you asked my man which of my physical attributes attracted him, it&#8217;s really hard for him to move past the standard T&A answer you&#8217;d probably get from any man. You can almost see a physical effort as he drags his sex-craving brain past the chest, past the butt, and FINALLY he&#8217;ll tell you something like,
&#8216;She has gorgeous shoulders&#8230;&#8217;
I bet he didn&#8217;t even know I had scars on my feet for the first 10 years we were married.
Here&#8217;s the thing: Men see your body in three ways, and it&#8217;s nothing like the way you see yourself.
#1 They see what makes you WOMANLY
This means when they look at you they instantly notice the things about your body that make you uniquely a woman. Breasts, hips, ass, curves&#8230; Even the way you walk. It&#8217;s nearly impossible for a red-blooded heterosexual male to notice anything before they read the parts of your body that say: I am a woman.
Your arm flaps do not make this list.
Your cellulite does not make this list.
Your stretch marks do not make this list.
#2 They see what makes you UNIQUE
That chipped tooth you hate? They think it&#8217;s kind of charming.
The muffin top? They can&#8217;t see it because it&#8217;s too near your ass, which they think is the finest thing in nine counties.
Do you think your lips are too thin? They just love it when you smile at them. (And truthfully, when they think about your lips on their body, they are NOT thinking &#8216;Oh her lips are too thin.&#8217; I PROMISE.)
If guys notice a particular body part of yours that you think makes you hideous (and I guarantee you they would never use that term) they just think it makes you uniquely&#8230; you! And since it&#8217;s YOU they are desperate for, they want that part of you as much as the others.
#3 They see what you constantly draw their attention to
This is where you have the power to rock or ruin a relationship.
When you constantly complain about your own body, a man&#8217;s desire to enjoy and love you are being eroded a little at a time. In other words, you&#8217;re rejecting him.
He thinks, &#8216;I could touch her body all day,&#8217; and you say, &#8216;I&#8217;m too flabby.&#8217;
You&#8217;re not only tearing yourself down, you&#8217;re tearing HIM &#8211; his thoughts, his desires for you, his excitement about you &#8211; down.
And it works the other way, too. Show off your pedicure (I do, now!), go sleeveless, wear that backless dress, and ruthlessly tease him with the body he absolutely adores.
A MAN LOVES A REAL WOMAN
Of course he looks at the naked, &#8216;perfect&#8217; girls in the magazine or online. And of course you&#8217;re bombarded with &#8216;perfect&#8217; skinny chicks on the runway or the billboard.
But a picture of perfection &#8211; whether it&#8217;s real or not &#8211; is no competition whatsoever for a living, breathing, fragrant woman sitting next to a man at a restaurant. Or pressed slightly against him in the elevator. Pe you are up close and personal.
Stepford wives are creepy. You can be assured that while he might fantasize about a playmate of the month, he&#8217;ll take a real woman over a figment of his imagination EVERY time.
Celebrate your body (and let him do it, too)!
Of course you want to invest time and energy into a healthy, beautiful body. But meanwhile, don&#8217;t let your own issues with your body drive him away. You deserve all the fabulous man-attention as he wants to give you!
Republished with permission, courtesy of
Claire Casey / Image Credit: Neville Clarke
************
Editor&#8217;s Note: You might want to read about For real woman only.
By the way: If you are fed up with society making you feel as if you are flawed check out this picture:
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