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915 The One With The Mugging
Central Perk, Joey, Ross, Monica and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters
Chandler: (excited) Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess
Joey: Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?!
Monica: (shocked) Really? (She looks around,
suddenly embarrassed) Let's get past the moment.
Phoebe: What's your news?
Chandler: Thank you. I got a job in advertising. (Everybody
Monica: (hugging Chandler) Oh, honey, that's incredible!
Phoebe: (inquisitive) Gosh, what's the pay like? (Everybody
stares at her indignantly) Oh, come on people...(defending) come
on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the
most! (She looks at Joey) Hey Joey! (Joey winks at her)
Chandler: Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship.
Joey: Oh, that's cool. We have interns
at 'Days Of Our Lives'.
Chandler: Right. So, it'll be the same except...less
sex with you. (Joey nods)
Ross: So, uh, what kinda stuff do you
think they'll have you do there?
Chandler: Well, it's a training program, but at the
end, they hire the people they like.
Phoebe: (enthusiastic) That's great.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be
some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting
people coffee is a little humiliating
(At the same time, Gunther puts
down a cup of coffee in front of Chandler)
Chandler: (grinning awkwardly) Humiliating and noble!
(Gunther shoots a nasty look at
him while leaving)
Ross: You know, if I didn't already
have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising.
Monica: Ross, you did not come up with
&got milk?&
Ross: Yes, I did, I did!
(He turns to Joey, disappointed) I should have written it down!
Monica and Chandler's
Aparment, Monica sits at the table
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Joey: Where's Chandler? I wanna wish him good luck on his
first day. (Monica smiles) .. and I smelled bacon. (taking some)
Monica: He just left.
Joey: (puzzled) Who did? (Monica looks
bewildered)
Rachel: (entering) Joey! You never gonna believe
it: she called.
Joey: (standing up, surprised) She did?
Rachel: (enthusiastic) You got it!
Joey: (still surprised) I did?
Monica: What is she talking about?
Joey: I don't know, but it sounds
Rachel: Your agent called. You got that
Joey: With Lennart Haze?
Rachel: Yes.
Joey: Oh my god, that is great! That
is *** for a play on broadway...and in a real theatre, not that little one
underneath the dally like last time.
Monica: Is it a good play?
Joey: Well, it must be, because I read
and I didn't understand a singe word.
Rachel: Yeah, and Lennart Haze is
starring in it...
Joey: Yeah, yeah, and directing.
Monica: (sighs) He was so good in that movie of
Rachel: (disbelieving) You saw that?
Monica: No, but...I saw the previews.
They played it right before Jackass.
Rachel and Joey: (pointing at Monica, a look of
recognition in their faces) Ah!
Joey: Yeah, he's done some amazing
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Oh, I loved him in
those cell phone commercials.
Joey: (almost laughing) I know. When the monkey hits
him in the face with that giant rubber phone. (They all laugh)
Monica: Hey! Maybe the monkey will be at
the audition!
Joey: (sitting down) Don't make me more nervous than
I already am!
Chandler's new
workplace, his fellow interns are already seated around a table
Chandler: (entering) Good morning, everybody.
Intern: Can I get you a cup of coffee,
Chandler: Oh, no, no, I'm an intern, just like you
guys...except for the tie, the briefcase...and the fact that I can rent a
Intern: Seriously, you're an intern?
Chandler: Yeah, well, I'm kinda heading into a new
career direction and, you know, you gotta start at the bottom.
Intern: (shaking his head
disbelievingly)
Chandler: Right. Look, I know I'm a little bit older
than you guys, but it's not like I'm Bob Hope (he sits down)
(Everybody gives him an
inquiring look)
Chandler: The comedian? USO?!
Intern: (correcting him) Uhm, it's USA, sir.
(Chandler desperately covers his head in his
Audition room, Joey is lead into the room by a receptionist in a fancy dress
Receptionist: This is Joey Tribbiani. Joey,
these are the producers and, as you probably already know, this is Lennart
(Lennart Haze turns around in
his chair to face Joey)
Joey: It is so amazing to meet you. (They
are shaking hands) I'm such a big fan of your work.
Lennart: Well, I've...I've been blessed
with a...a lot of great roles.
Joey: Tell me about it!
&Unlimited nights and weekends!&
Lennart: You making fun of me? Because I
am not a sell-out. (He stands up and walks menacingly towards Joey) I
didn't do that for the money, I believe in those phones. I almost lost a
cousin because of bad wireless service.
Joey: No, I-I-I wasn't making fun of
you, honestly, I-I think you were great in those commercials.
Lennart: Really?
Joey: Yeah.
Lennart: Well, I do bring a certain
credibility to the role.
Joey: (regaining confidence) Are you kiddin'? When they
shoot you out of that cannon...
Lennart: Peeeeeooooooooch (He mimes
flying out of the cannon) &Hang up that phone!& One take!
Joey: Wow!
Lennart: So, shall we read?
Joey: Oh, yeah, sure.
Lennart: Top of act two. This is my
entrance. You got it?
(Joey nods whereupon Lennart
acts as if he is entering a room)
Lennart: &What the hell are you
still doing here&?
(Joey stares at him, fascinated
by his performance)
Joey: Err, &I think you
Lennart: &Bastard&!
Joey: &I am what you made me. You
know what? I could go right now.&
Lennart: &Go, go!&
Joey: &I can't. Oh, I want to,
long pause, but I can't.&
Lennart: I'm sorry, sorry. You're not
supposed to say &long pause&
Joey: (understandingly) Oh, oh, I thought that was your
character's name, you know, I thought you were like an Indian or something,
you know with a...(He mimes wearing a feather on his head)
Lennart: No. Thank you so much for coming
in. We appreciate it, thank you.
Joey: Ah, y-y-you're sure you don't
want me to do it again? I could do it with an accent, you know, Southern (He
speaks in what he believes is a Southern accent) &I could go right
now, maaan!&
Lennart: (stunned, muttering) My god in heaven.
(The producers stand up)
Producer #1: Joey, hang on for a second.
Lennart, can we talk to you for a moment?
(They stand aside, talking)
Lennart: You, you gotta be kidding. See,
h-he, he can't act. (Joey hears that and his disappointment is reflected
in his facial expression).
(Producer #1 whispers something)
Lennart: Hey! I-I-I don't care if he's
hot, you know. If you want to sleep with him, do it on your own time. (Joey
smiles smugly at this) This is a play. No, listen: if you insist on this,
I will call my agent so fast on a cell phone that has a connection that is so
clear he's gonna think I'm next door.
(Joey approaches them)
Joey: (interrupting their
conversation)
Ah, hi, ah. Thank you so much for whispering for my benefit, but, ah, look,
if you just tell me what I did wrong, I'd just love to work on it and come
back and try it again for you. And, and also: (to Producer #1) 'How
you doing?' (to Lennart again) You should, please, just gimme another
chance. I really wanna get better, please.
Lennart: Well, if you wanna come back at
the end of the day today, here are my notes. Ready?
Joey: Yeah.
Lennart: Uhm, you're in your head.
You-you're thinking way too much.
Joey: I really doubt that.
Lennart: (explaining to Joey, who nods
fervently.) No,
no, no. It's that you're not connected with anything in your body. There's no
urgency. The scene is a struggle, uhm, it's a race. Also, what you did was horizontal.
Don't be afraid to explore the vertical. And don't learn the words. Let the
words learn you.
(Joey ponders on this for a
Joey: (suggesting.) Couldn't I just
sleep with the producer?
Backstreet, Ross and Phoebe walking
Phoebe: Hey, do you wanna go to dinner
Ross: Oh, I can't. I've got a date
with that waitress, Katy, yeah, I know we've been only going out like twice,
but I have a really good feeling about her.
Phoebe: Oh, I hear divorce bells.
(A mugger, his face hidden by a
cap, approaches them from behind)
Mugger: Alright. Just give me your
wallets and there won't be a problem.
Ross: (taken aback) What?
Mugger: I have a gun (It looks like
he has a gun under his coat)
Ross: O-ok. Just relax, Phoene, just
stay calm. (He searches his coat and freaks out). Oh my god, I can't
find my wallet.
(He finally finds the wallet and
hands it to the mugger)
Mugger: Alright, lady, now give me your
Phoebe: No.
Ross: (still in a high-pitched voice) What do you mean
&no&? I knew you'd be my death, Phoebe Buffay.
(A sign of recognition runs
across Phoebe's face)
Phoebe: Lowell, is that you?
Lowell: Phoebe? (He lifts his cap)
Oh my god!
Phoebe: (simultaneously) Oh my god!
(They hug and scream)
Phoebe: (excited) I'm sorry, Ross, this is my old
friend Lowell from the streets. Lowell, Ross.
Lowell: Ross, nice to meet you. (He
stretches his hand out to him)
Ross: Yeah, a real pleasure.
Phoebe: Ah, it's been so long, so long. (They
hug again) I can't believe you're still doing this!
Lowell: Oh, I know, but I quit smoking!
Phoebe: Good for you!
Lowell: So you look like you're doing
really well! I guess you're mugging days are behind you?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.(she nods)
Ross: (shocked) Oh my god. Phoebe, you used to
mug people?
Phoebe: Excuse me, Ross, old friends
catching up...
Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica sits on the couch as Joey enters
Monica: Hey, how did the audition go?
Joey: Well, they wanna see me again
this afternoon, but, err, well, Lennart Haze did not like me. (He sits
Monica: What happened?
Joey: Well, he said I wasn't urgent
enough, you know, and that everything I did was horizontal and I should be
more vertical. Oh, and he said that I should think less.
Monica: So far so good! (Joey nods)
Chandler: (entering, carrying a large box) Honey, I'm old!
Monica: (standing up, walking towards
him) What's
Chandler: I am so much older than these
other interns. I can't compete with them.
Monica: So you're a little older. Try to
look at the positive: You have all this life experience.
Chandler: Yes, but I don't think life
experience with these. (He opens the box and takes an inline skate-like
sneaker out)
Joey: Wooooooooow (He takes the
sneaker) It's like they're on fire!
Monica: What are they? (They sit down
Chandler: They're these prototype sneakers
and come up with ideas on how to sell them which I can't do because no
self-respecting adult would ever where these.
Joey: (determined) I'll give you $500 for them!
Chandler: What am I supposed to do with
Monica: Ah, come on, sneakers are easy.
You wear sneakers all the time.
Chandler: Well, first of all, they're not
called &sneakers& anymore. Apparently, they're called
&kicks& or &skids& and I think I heard somebody say
&slorps&. (He takes a sneaker) And here, look: they've got
these wheels to pop out from the bottom so you can roll around 'cause,
apparently, walking is too much exercise. Kids, kids, roll your way to
childhood obesity! (to Monica) Would you help me try to sell these?
Monica: Okay, have you considered using
a girl with huge knockers?
Chandler: No, I don't think that's the
kinda thing they're looking for.
Joey: Hey, that'd work on me! Why did
I get to buy Mrs. Butterwords?
Central Perk, Monica sits on the couch as Phoebe and Ross enter
All: Hey, hey!
Ross: Hey, you'll never guess what
just happened...Phoebe and I got mugged!
Monica: You okay?!
Ross: (sitting down) Yeah, because Phoebe knew the
Monica: (bewildered) How do you know a mugger?
Phoebe: I'm sorry I have friends outside
the six of us.
Ross: You wanna know how she knew him?
(He points at Phoebe) Because Phoebe used to mug people.
Monica: (shocked) Seriously?
Phoebe: Well, I'm not proud of it, but,
you know...sometimes when I was living on the street and I needed money for
food and stuff I...
Monica: (disapproving) Phoebe, that is awful!
Phoebe: Well, ok, I wasn't rich like you
guys, ok, I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony...I had a hard life, my
mother was killed by a drug dealer...
Monica: You're mother killed herself!
Phoebe: She was a drug dealer!
Ross: Well, anyway, it was a good
thing Phoebe knew the knew him, because (menacingly) I was about to do
some serious damage!
Phoebe: (laughing) Okay...
Monica: Well, this must've brought back
some really bad memories for you, Ross.
Phoebe: Why?
Monica: Well, Ross was mugged as a kid.
Phoebe: (worried) You were?
Ross: Yeah, it was pretty traumatic. I
was outside St. Marc's Comics...you know, I-I-I was just there minding my own
business, you know, seeing what kinda trouble Spiderman got into that week-
Monica: (coughing) Wonderwoman!
Ross: Anyway, I was heading towards
this bakery, you know, to pick up a couple of dozen Linzer torts for
someone...(He looks at Monica) ...when outta nowhere this thug with a
pipe jumps out and says: &Gimme your money, punk!&
Phoebe: (shocked) Oh my god...
Ross: I know! And-and the worst part
was they took my backpack which had all the original artwork I had done for
my own comic book: &Science Boy&
Monica: Oh yeah! What was his superpower
Ross: A superhuman thirst for
knowledge.
Monica: That's it.
Ross: Well, I-I better get to class (He
stands up) Are there any more of your friends I should look out for on my
way, Phoebe?
Phoebe: No...actually, you might wanna
stay away from Jane street...that's where Stabby Joe works.
(Ross leaves Central Perk.)
Phoebe: Okay, I think we have a problem
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Well, uhm, back in my mugging
days, you know, I, uhm, I worked St. Marc's Comics.
Monica: Yeah?
Phoebe: Well, a pipe was my weapon of
choice and, uhm, pre-teen comic book nerds were my meat.
Monica: So?
Phoebe: Well, there was this one kid who
had a sticker on his backpack that said-
Phoebe and Monica: &Geology rocks!&
Monica: Oh my god!
Phoebe: I know...I mugged Ross!
Audition room, the producers and Lennart are waiting for Joey
Receptionist: You're late!
Joey: (entering) I know, I'm sorry, but can I
just have a quick second to run to the bathroom?
Receptionist: No, Lennart doesn't wait!
Joey: But I'm bursting with u-hu!
Lennart: (spotting Joey) Joey! Here we go. Let's go very
Joey: Actually, I really need...
Lennart: (interrupting) We must go now, quickly,
Joey: Yes...ahahaaa (He seems to be
Lennart: Ready? &What the hell are
you still doing here?&
Joey: (walking on the spot) &I think you know!&
Lennart: &Oh, you sick
Joey: &I am what you made me! You
know what?&
Lennart: &What?&
Joey: &I could go right
Lennart: &Then go, go!&
Joey: (urgent) &I, oh, I can't. I want
to, but I can't!&
Lennart: Cut! That was good. (He turns
to the producers) That was very good. You did everything I asked for.
Joey: (disbelieving) I did?
Lennart: Yes. Plus...what you've got
that...I don't know what you've got going...this squirmy quality that you
bring into the character that I couldn't've even imagined. Wow, hey, here's
what we gonna do: come back tomorrow for the final callbacks with the ***, do
all of this what you've got going now, but & you know what? & more, more. Can
you do that?
Joey: Sure, yeah. I don't have time to
say thank you because I really gotta go. (He grabs his jacket and limps
out of the room)
Lennart: (watching Joey leave) Look at that: still in character,
I like it...I plant seeds I can't explain.
Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Chander sits on the couch as Monica and
Rachel enter
Monica: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Monica: What are you doing?
Chandler: Putting on the
sneakers...thought I'd get into a younger mindset, you know, to see if it
sparked anything...
Rachel: Oh, anything yet?
Chandler: Yes, how's this: They're so
uncomfortable it's like getting kicked in the nuts for your feet!
(At that moment, Joey opens the
Joey: (entering) Hey!
(Joey heads straight for the
fridge, takes all the beverage cans and is about to leave the apartment)
Joey: Probably wanna know what I'm
Monica: No, that seems about right.
Joey: Yesterday at my audition, I
really had to pee, and apparently, having to pee makes me a really good
actor. I got a call-back, so I'm drinking everything. Oh, by the way, that
egg nog in our fridge was great!
Rachel: Joey, that was formula.
Joey: We gotta get more of that. (He
leaves the apartment)
Chandler: (sitting on the couch) You know what...these aren't
half-bad! (to Rachel) You should suggest something like these to Ralph
Rachel: Okay, first of all, that's
stupid and second of all, I'm not allowed to talk to Ralph.
Chandler: Alright (He stands wearing
the sneakers on) I feel younger already!
(He trips and falls hard on his
Chandler: (on the floor) yeah, I think I broke my hip.
Central Perk, Phoebe is there drinking coffee and Ross is about to enter
Phoebe: (spotting Ross) Hey, you!
Ross: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey, how was class?
Ross: No one ever asked me that,
what's wrong?
Phoebe: Nothing, I really wanna know.
Ross: Oh...(He looks positively
surprised) Well, uhm, there was actually a rather lively discussion about
the Pleistocene...
Phoebe: (interrupting) Alright, nothing is worth this.
Uhm, I have a confession to make...uhm, okay, you know, that girl that mugged
you when you were a kid...
Ross: (disbelieving.) Wh-What are you
talking about? It wasn't a girl. It was this huge dude.
Phoebe: You don't have to lie anymore,
Ross, I know that it was a fourteen year-old girl.
Ross: No, it wasn't.
Phoebe: Yes, it was.
Ross: No, it wasn't. You don't think I
would've defended myself against a fourteen year-old...
Phoebe: (interrupting, pinching his
&Gimme your money, punk!&
Ross: (shocked) Oh my god, it was you! I can't
believe it, you...you mugged me?
Phoebe: (apologetic) Yeah, and I'm so, so sorry,
Ross, I'm sorry, but, you know, if you think about it, it's kinda neat. (She
smiles at him, but he doesn't understand) I mean, well, it's just that I
I've always felt kinda like an outsider, you know, the rest of you have these
connections that go way back and, you know, now, you and I have...have a
great one!
Ross: It's not the best!
Phoebe: I know, I'm sorry, please
forgive me. I don't know what to say...
Ross: There's nothing you can say.
That was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me.
Phoebe: Really? Even more humiliating
Ross: (interrupting) Hey, let's not do this!
(He picks up his briefcase and
walks out of the door, leaving Phoebe behind)
Chandler's new workplace, we are witnessing a presentation of a fellow intern
Intern: ...and then, at the end of the
commercial, the girls get out of the hut tub and start making out with each
Boss: (ironic) That's interesting! Just one
thought: You didn't mention the shoes. Who's next? (Chandler raises
his hand) Chander...
Chandler: Okay...(He stands up) You
start on the image of a guy putting on the shoes. He's about my age...
Intern: (snorting) Your age?
Chandler: A-huh. So he's rolling down the
street and he starts to lose control, you know...maybe he falls...maybe hurts
himself. Just then, a kid comes flying by wearing the shoes. He jumps over
the old guy and laughs, and the line reads: &Not suitable for
Boss: Chandler, that's great!
Chandler: Oh, thank you, sir...or
man-who's-two-years-younger-than-me (He sits down again)
Boss: You see? That has a clear
selling point. It appeals to our key demographic, it's&. (enthusiastic)
You did you come up with that?
Chandler: (over-enthusiastic) I don't know, I don' I don'
know! I was just trying to get into a young mindset, you know, and it just
started to flow.
Boss: That is great. Good work!
Chandler. Thank you.
Boss: See all of you tomorrow. (He
(Chandler stands up and walks
out the room with a cane.)
Chandler: The cold weather hurts my hip!
Central Perk, Ross sits in a chair as Phoebe enters
Phoebe: Hey, Ross! (He lowers his
newspaper and scowls at her) I know you're still mad at me, but can I
just talk to you for a second?
Ross: Sure, go ahead. Whoops, sorry,
sure, go ahead. (He raises his hands as if being mugged)
Phoebe: I just really wanted to
apologize again and...and also show you something I think you'll find very
(She puts a box on her lap,
labelled &crap from the street&.)
Ross: (faking enthusiasm) Oh my god, crap from the
street? (She smiles excitedly, but Ross just turns back to his newspaper)
Phoebe: Look, Ross, in this box are all
the things I got from mugging that I thought were too special to sell...or
smoke. (Ross looks at her in astonishment) Anyway, I was looking
through it and I found &Science Boy& (She holds up some sheets
of paperand hands them to Ross)
Ross: Oh my god. (He sighs) I
never thought I'd see this again. (He browses trough the pages) It's
all here. What made you save it all these years?
Phoebe: I can't say, I just thought it
was really good...and...maybe would be worth something some day.
Ross: You really thought &Science
Boy& was worth saving!
Phoebe: Yeah...but you should know, I
also have a jar of vaseline and a cat skull in here.
Ross: Still...this is amazing...Oh my
god, thank you, Phoebe.
Phoebe: You're welcome. And thank you
for &Science Boy&. I learned a lot from him
Ross: You're welcome.
Audition room, Joey and Lennart are rehearsing
Joey: (hoping frantically on the spot,
screaming)
&I need an answer!&
Lennart: &I-I-I can't tell you
somethin' I don't know.&
Joey: &You know!&
Lennart: &I don't know!&
Joey: &I need an answer
Lennart: &Alright, here, you want an
answer...the answer...is&&
(He pauses while Joey struggles
to avoid wetting his pants)
Joey: (screaming) Oh!
Lennart: &She never loved me, she
only loved you.&
Joey: &You knew this all along
and you never told me? You never told me? I can never forgive you, I can
never forgive myself, I have nothing to live for & Bang & End Scene!&
Lennart: Absolutely amazing! (The
producers applaud Joey) The part is yours.
Joey: (in pain) Oh thanks, thanks! Now, I
really have to get...
Lennart: Wa-wa-wa-wait! Congratulations!
You did it! You did it! (He hugs Joey) You can relax now. Yeah.
(Joey relaxes and wets his pants
while hugging Lennart)
Closing Credits
Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica sits at the table reading the mail
Monica: Wow, that's a big cable bill!
Huh, you don't have a job, but you have no problem ordering porn...on a
Saturday afternoon?! (shocked) I was in the house!
Ross: (entering) Hey, uhm, Phoebe didn't by any
chance mention that...
Monica: ...that she was the huge guy
that mugged you? Yeah.
Ross: I see. You didn't happen to
Monica: ...everybody we know? Yeah.
Ross: Great. Thanks! (He leaves)
伙计们，我有个好消息!
呃..莫妮卡怀孕了?!
当我没什么也说过.
什么好消息?
我得到一份广告的工作.
噢, 亲爱的, 真是难以想象!
上帝,工资是多少?
噢, 别这样, 现如今,
如果我不知道谁赚的最多,
我怎么知道我最喜欢谁!
实际上, 没有工资.
我是去实习的.
哦, 太棒了.
在我们的 '光辉岁月'里也有实习的.
对. 所以, 我也是一样除了
不和你做爱.
那么, 呃, 你认为在那他们
会让你做什么?
这个, 这是一个培训, 最后,
是呀, 我是说, 会有一些底层的
可能很糟糕的工作, 你知道
成年男人给别人倒咖啡
有点儿丢脸
丢脸但是高贵!
你知道, 如果我不是已经有了工作
我想,我会在广告业做得很好
罗斯, &有牛奶吗?&
不是你的点子.
是, 是我想出来的, 是我的!
我本应该把它写下来!
钱德哪去了?
我想祝他第一天上班好运.
而且我闻到了培根肉的味儿.
你不会相信的! 她打电话了!
我得到了?!
她在说什么?
不知道, 但是听起来是好事.
你的经纪人打电话!
你得到这次试镜了!
和莱纳特&黑斯一起?
噢我的上帝, 真是太棒了!
这回能让我在百老汇表演
而且是在真正的戏院, 不是上次那个
又小又憋的临时剧场.
这个剧好吗?
一定好, 因为我读过剧本
而且我一个字都读不明白.
而且莱纳特&黑斯也在里面出演.
对,对, 还兼导演.
他在&麦克白&里的表演简直太好了.
没, 但我看了预告片.
就是在（电影）&蠢货&之前放的.
是啊, 他有不少惊人之作.
噢, 没错. 噢, 我真喜欢他的
我知道. 当那只猴子用那个
大橡胶电话打他的脸的时候.
嘿! 也许那只猴子也会一起试镜!
别让我更紧张了
我已经紧张死了!
早上好, 各位.
我能给你倒杯咖啡吗, 先生?
噢, 不, 不, 我是实习的, 就像你们一样
除了我有领带, 公文包,
和一个事实就是我租得起车.
你是实习的?
是的,我正打算开始一个新的事业,
你知道, 你得从底层做起.
好吧. 我知道我比你们老一点点,
但这不是说我老得象鲍博&荷普.
那个喜剧演员? USO?
呃恩, 是USA, 先生.
我是 乔伊&楚比奥尼.
乔伊, 这是制作人
还有, 你大概已经知道了,
这是莱纳特&黑斯.
能见到你真是太妙了.
我非常仰慕你的作品的.
好吧, 的确，
我的许多好角色都被赞扬过.
&无限的夜晚和周末!&
你在取笑我吗?
因为我可不是卖东西的.
我不是为了钱才做的,
我相信那些电话.
就是因为差劲的无线服务
我差点儿失去我表兄.
不是的, 我-我没有取笑你,说实话,
我认为你在那些广告里演的很棒.
好吧, 我的确使这个
角色让人信服.
当他们把你从大炮里射出去..
&把电话挂掉!&
一场就演成了!
那么, 我们开始吧?
噢, 是,当然.
从第二场的头开始.
我从这时候上场. 找到了?
&你怎么还在这&
&我想你知道&.
&是你逼我的. 你知道吗?&
&我马上就能走.&
&走吧, 走!&
&噢, 我想走, 长的停顿,&
&但是我不能.&
对不起, 对不起.
你不应该把&长的停顿&说出来
哦, 哦, 我还以为那是
你人物的名字, 你知道,
我还以为你象是印第安人或什么,
非常感谢你能来.
我们很感激, 谢谢.
啊, 你-你确定不想让我再试一次?
我可以带口音表演, 你知道,
南方口音 &我马上就能走, 老..兄!&
（实际上是牙买加口音）
乔伊, 稍微等一下.
莱纳特, 我们能谈一会吗?
听着, 我们必须让他复试.
你, 你一定是在开玩笑.
你看, 他, 他演不了.
嘿! 我-我不管他是不是性感.
如果你想跟他上床,
利用你自己的时间.这是表演..
不, 听着! 如果你还坚持,
我会打电话跟我经纪人联系
用手机,非常快, 非常清楚
他会以为我就在隔壁.
呃, 嗨, 呃.
谢谢你们为了我的利益而密谈,
但是,呃, 你看,如果你能告诉我
我哪做得不好,我非常想改
然后再来试试. 还有,
请你, 就再给我一次机会.
我真的很想做得更好, 求你了.
好吧,如果你想在今天
晚些时候再来,我的建议在这.
呃恩, 你只是在用脑袋（想台词）.
你-你想得太多了.
我很怀疑这点.
不,不.我是说你根本没把
肢体表演结合起来.
没有一种紧迫的状态.
这场戏是一场斗争,呃恩,是赛跑.
同样,你的表演是水平的.
别害怕去探求垂直的（深层的）.
而且不要只是记台词.
让台词来记你（自然的出来）.
我能不能就和制作人睡觉?
嘿,想一起吃晚饭吗?
噢,不行. 我已经和
那个女招待有约了,凯蒂,
我知道我们仅仅约会过一两次,
但我对她感觉非常好.
喔,我听见离婚的钟声了.
很好. 给我你们的钱包
你们就没有麻烦了.
好-好.放松,
菲比,保持冷静.
噢上帝,我找不到钱包了.
很好,女士,现在给我你的包!
你什么意思&不&?
我就知道你会害死我,菲比&布费.
鲁威,是你吗?
对不起,罗斯,这是我的老朋友鲁威
在街上住时认识的.鲁威,罗斯.
罗丝,很高兴遇见你.
是啊,真的是很愉快.
啊,好久不见了,太久了.
真不敢相信你还干这个.
唉,我知道,但是我戒烟了!
那么你看起来过得不错!
我猜你打劫的日子已经过去了?
噢上帝.菲比,你干过打劫?
对不起,罗斯,
老朋友在聊往事
嘿,你的试镜怎么样?
呃,他们想让我下午再去一次,
但是,呃,莱纳特&黑斯不喜欢我
这个吗,他说我不够紧迫,
而且我的表演太水平
我应该更垂直些.
噢,他还说我应该少点思考.
目前来说还不错!
亲爱的,我-老啦!
我比别的实习生老多了.
我没法跟他们竞争.
你是有点老怎么了.
想想积极的一面.
你有那么多人生经历.
是,但是我认为经历可不能帮我做这个.
它们就象着火了一样!
这是那些帆布鞋的样版
我得想出点子怎么能卖掉他们.
而我根本做不了因为
自重的成年人不可能穿它们.
我给你500块买一双!
我该怎么做?
呃,别这样,帆布鞋还不简单.
你总是穿它们.
好吧,首先,
它们不再叫帆布鞋了.
表面上,他们现在被叫做&踢踢&或&滑溜&
我想我还听见有人叫它们&挤泡泡&.
而且,看:现在还有轮子从鞋底
冒出来这样你就可以滑来滑去
因为,表面上看,
走路太累了.
孩子们,孩子们,滑向你们的
儿童肥胖症去吧!
你能帮我想办法吗?
好的,你考虑过
用一个大胸脯的女孩了吗?
不,我认为那不是他们在寻找的感觉...
嘿,这会使我感兴趣!
不然为什么我要买&巴特渥斯太太&?
嘿,你怎么也猜不到刚才的事
菲比和我被打劫了!
你没事吧?!
没事,因为菲比认识那个打劫的!
你怎么会认识打劫的人?
对不起除了我们六个
我还有其他朋友.
你想知道他们怎么认识的?
因为菲比曾经干过这行.
好吧,我不以此为荣,
但是你要知道
当我在街上讨生活时
我需要钱去买吃的和其他东西-我
菲比,这太可怕了!
行了,我不象你们那样有钱,行吗?
我没吃过金子也没有会飞的小马.
我曾生活的很艰苦,
我妈被个卖毒品的杀了...
你妈是自杀!
她是卖毒品的!
菲比认识他还好,要不然
我正要好好揍他一顿!
这么说,这事一定唤起了
你那些可怕的回忆,罗斯.
罗斯小时侯曾经被劫过.
那真是永远的伤.
我在&圣马尔克漫画&的外面
我-我正在那专注于自己的事情,
你知道,看看这个星期蜘蛛侠
遇到了什么麻烦-
不管怎样,我正走向面包店
去买几打Linzer tortes(点心)给,
这时那个刺客不知从哪跳出来
手里拿着根管子说:
&给我你的钱,废物!&
噢 我的上帝
我知道!最糟的是他们拿走了
我的书包,里面有我所有的
我为自己的漫画书画的原图.
&科学小子&
哦对!他的超能力是什么来着?
一个渴望知识的超人.
好了,我-我该去学校了.
在路上我还应该小心
你别的什么朋友吗,菲比?
事实上,你也许想远离珍大街
刺客乔在那工作.
好吧,我想我们有个麻烦.
呃恩,回到我打劫的日子,我
呃,在&圣马尔克漫画&附近工作.
是的,我选择管子作为武器.
还有,呃恩,
幼年漫画痴是我的猎物.
有一个小孩
在他的书包上有个不干胶贴写着-
&地质学棒极了!&
我知道!我劫了罗斯!
我知道,很抱歉,但是我能不能
占用几秒钟去一下卫生间?
不行,莱纳特从不等别人!
但我憋的快爆炸了!
乔伊!我们开始吧. 快点!
事实上,我真的需要...
我们必须现在开始.
- 好 啊哈哈...
&你究竟还在这干吗?&
&我想你知道!&
&噢, 你这个杂种!&
&是你让我这样的! 你知道吗?&
&我能立刻就走.&
&那走吧, 走!&
&我,噢,我不能.
我想,但我-不能!&
不错.很不错.
我要求的你都做到了.
是的.另外你那是什么
我不明白你在做什么
你给人物创造的那拧来拧去的动作.
连我都想象不出来.
哇噢,这就是我们要的,
明天和其他复试者一起来最后试镜
把你做的这些表演都做出来,
而且,你知道吗?
做再多些. 你能做到吗?
当然,能.我没时间说谢谢了
因为我真得走了.
还在角色里,我喜欢
我培育种子（好演员）,我没法解释.
穿上这鞋,这会使我进入一种
年轻的思想状态,然后
看看会有什么点子闪出来
噢, 有什么进展了吗?
是的,这个怎么样.
这鞋太难受了
就象脚上的&死穴&被踢了一样!
很想知道我在干什么是吧?
不,看起来很正常.
昨天我试镜时,我很想嘘嘘,
但是看起来,内急让我演的很好.
我得到了复试,
所以我在喝所有的东西.
噢,顺便说一声,
我们冰箱里那个鸡蛋奶汤真好喝!
乔伊,那是给婴儿吃的鸡蛋糊.
那我们得多弄点儿这个.
你知道吗,这鞋也不是特别糟!
你应该跟&拉夫&劳伦&推荐一下.
首先,这个点子很愚蠢,
其次,我没权利和拉夫讲话.
好吧,我已经觉得年轻了!
我想我伤到髋部了.
嘿, 课上的怎么样?
从没人问过我这个,怎么了?
没什么,我真想知道.
我们真的进行了一次活跃的讨论
是关于更新世纪的..
好吧, 没什么事值得我这样做.
啊恩,我得坦白一件事
你知道, 在你小时侯
那个抢劫你的女孩
你说什么那?
不是女孩. 是个大块头男的.
你不用再说谎了,罗斯,
我知道那是个14岁的女孩.
不,不是.你认为我不能对付
一个14岁大的..
&给我你的钱, 废物!&
噢上帝, 是你!
我不能相信, 你 你劫了我?
是,我非常非常抱歉,罗斯,
我很抱歉,但,你知道,
如果你再想想,这也很棒.
我是说,是这样
我总觉得自己象局外人,你知道,
你们几个在过去都互相有些关联
现在,你和我也有了个很棒的!
不是最好的!
我知道,对不起,请原谅我.
我不知道说什么
你是没什么能说的.
这是我一生中发生的最丢脸的事.
真的?丢脸到甚至比..
嘿,我们别说那些事!
然后,在广告最后,
女孩们从热浴盆里出来
开始相互亲热!
就一点.你没提到那双鞋.
谁是下一个?
画面从一个男的穿这双鞋开始.
他差不多我的年纪
他顺着大街滑着
然后他开始失去平衡
可能他摔倒了,可能他受伤了.
这时,一个小孩穿着这鞋飞过来了.
他跳过这男的,嘲笑他
然后广告语是...
&不适合成年人!&
钱德, 很好!
噢, 谢谢, 先生
或者说比我小两岁的人.
你们明白了?这才是真正的卖点.
它感染我们主要的社会群体,是的.
你真的-是你想出来的?
我不知道,不知道不知道!
我只是在试着寻找年轻人的想法,
你知道,然后点子自然就来了.
太棒了. 干得好!
冷天气伤到我的髋部了!
我知道你还生我的气,
但我能和你谈一会吗?
当然, 说吧.
唔噗,对不起,
当然, 说吧.
我只是想再一次道歉
还有给你看点东西
我想你看了会很兴奋.
噢上帝, 街上弄来的玩意?
看,罗斯,这里的东西,是在所有
我抢的东西里我认为太特别了
以至于没法卖掉或当烟抽.
无论如何,我翻了翻
然后我找到了...
&科学小子&
我从没想过我还能再见到它.
是什么让你把它保存了这么久?
我说不出来,只是认为它非常好
而且也许有一天会值钱.
你真认为&科学小子&值得保存!
是的,你该知道,我还保留了
一罐子凡士林和一块猫骨头.
仍然, 这太奇妙了
噢上帝,谢谢,菲比.
谢谢你的&科学小子&.
我从那学了不少东西.
我需要一个答案!!!
&我-我不能告诉你
我不知道的事.&
&我不知道!&
&我需要一个答案就现在!&
&好吧,你要答案ˇ
&她从没爱过我,
她只爱你.&
&你一直知道你却从不告诉我?
你从没告诉过我?&
&我不会原谅你!我不会原谅我自己!
我没什么指望了! 梆 ! 这场结束了!&
绝对惊人的表演!
这角色是你的了.
噢谢谢,谢谢!
现在,我真的得去..
等-等一下!
恭喜!你做到了!你成功了!
你可以放松一下了.对.
哇噢,这有线费用可是真高呀!
呵,你没有工作,
但是你却没有问题点黄片看
在星期六下午?!
我就在家里!
菲比没有碰巧告诉你..
她是那个劫你的大块头?
明白了.你没碰巧告诉..
所有认识人?告诉了.
很好.谢谢!
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