你在出国留学文书里写过的最漂亮的句子是什么？
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我要答跑题了，但实在忍不住要吐槽一下英国留学文书老师一枚（不要骂我黑中介我是好人）就在刚刚给一个申OX经济金融专业的学生ps因为是高端我肯定用尽洪荒之力完成了，个人还是很满意的嘿嘿（其实我觉得文书老师都会好好给大家写文书的，写出好的材料学生可以伸到满意的学校自己也有成就感，为什么不呢）学生看过也基本没有什么意见，但是！！非要我把里面我用到的马克思一个理论，价值决定价格，价格围绕价值上下波动，改成是他自己体会出来的！！！！fuck！！！这是中学就学到的经济学常识好吗怎么成你发明的了还说不要提到马克思的这个理论，我同学说有倾向性靠！！！！！真是无语了！噢还有一个今天遇到的奇葩，最近英国开始17年申请了，今天检查一个学生材料发现学生竟然在同一个月（时间完全一模一样）开出了两个公司的实习证明做申请材料………同学你是怀疑admission老师智商吗哎不说了、这种事情太多了气死我了（想发一个想和你绝交的表情）
没有最漂亮，只有最合适！但凡没有拿到offer的文书，再漂亮的句子，到最后所起到的作用都是0；只有最终帮助你顺利拿到offer的文书句子，才是最最漂亮的！专注于留学的伙伴目前应该正在为留学文书的最后润色阶段而努力挣扎着。在知乎里混，看着各种大神在里面叱咤风云、点赞如雨，真真是泪流满面啊。遗憾自己没啥能力，看得多，答得少。革命是块砖，哪里需要哪里搬。仔细对比和查阅了上百个知乎“留学文书回答”，总结很整理了一下（踩在前人的肩膀上成长），至少在我看来有例子、有方法、有内容、有技巧，可圈可点，受益良多。在这里分享出来，供留学文书党学习参考。在此，感谢资料的原创者：Bob Lee和Jacky Song，知乎需要这样勤恳回答问题的伙伴！！！下面是十点文书写作常见瑕疵，如果你记不住这篇文章的其他建议，也要记住这四个字：有趣、简洁。　　TOP 10 ESSAY WRITING TIPS　文书写作10大建议1. Don't Thesaurusize Your Essay. Do Use YourOwn Voice.　　不要言过其实，不要用华丽辞藻堆砌文书，要说自己的话。　　Admissions officers can tell Roget from an18-year-old high school senior. Big words, especially when misused, detractfrom the essay, inappropriately drawing the reader's attention and making theessay sound contrived.　　Before: Although I did a plethora ofactivities in high school, my assiduous efforts enabled me to succeed.After: Although I juggled many activities inhigh school, I succeeded through persistent work.2. Don't Bore the Reader. Do Be Interesting.　　文章有趣才能吸引读者！　　Admissions officers have to read hundreds ofessays, and they must often skim. Abstract rumination has no place in anapplication essay. Admissions officers aren't looking for a new
they're looking for a new way to view you the applicant. The best way togrip your reader is to begin the essay with a captivating snapshot. Notice howthe slightly jarring scene depicted in the "after" creates intrigueand keeps the reader's interest.　　Before: The college admissions and selectionprocess is a very important one, perhaps one that will have the greatest impacton one's future. The college that a person will go to often influences hispersonality, views, and career.After: An outside observer would have calledthe scene ridiculous: a respectable physician holding the bell of hisstethoscope to the chest of a small stuffed bear.3. Do Use Personal Detail. Show, Don't Tell!　　给招生官来一场“秀”。　　Good essays are concrete and grounded inpersonal detail. They do not merely assert "I learned my lesson" orthat "these lessons are useful both on and off the field." They showit through personal detail. "Show don't tell," means if you want torelate a personal quality, do so through your experiences and do not merelyassert it.　　Before: I developed a new compassion for thedisabled.　　After: The next time Mrs. Cooper asked me tohelp her across the street, I smiled and immediately took her arm.The first example is vague and could have beenwritten by anybody. But the second sentence evokes a vivid image of somethingthat actually happened, placing the reader in the experience of the applicant.4. Do Be Concise. Don't Be Wordy.　　文章要简洁，忌啰嗦！　　Wordiness not only takes up valuable space,but it also can confuse the important ideas you're trying to convey. Shortsentences are more forceful because they are direct and to the point. Certainphrases such as "the fact that" are usually unnecessary. Notice howthe revised version focuses on active verbs rather than forms of "tobe" and adverbs and adjectives.　　Before: My recognition of the fact that theproject was finally over was a deeply satisfying moment that will foreverlinger in my memory.After: Completing the project at last gave mean enduring sense of fulfillment.5. Don't Use Slang, Yo!　　不要使用俚语。　　Write an essay, not an email. Slang terms,clich??s, contractions, and an excessively casual tone should be eliminated.Here's one example of inappropriately colloquial language.Well here I am thinking about what makes metick. You would be surprised. What really gets my goat is when kids disrespectthe flag. My father was in 'Nam and I know how important the military is tothis great nation.6. Do Vary Your Sentences and Use Transitions.　　用好连词，使文章错落有致。　　The best essays contain a variety of sentencelengths mixed within any given paragraph. Also, remember that transition is notlimited to words like nevertheless, furthermore or consequently. Goodtransition flows from the natural thought progression of your argument.　　Before: I started playing piano when I waseight years old. I worked hard to learn difficult pieces. I began to lovemusic.After: I started playing the piano at the ageof eight. As I learned to play more difficult pieces, my appreciation for musicdeepened.7. Do Use Active Voice Verbs.　　用主动语态　　Passive-voice expressions are verb phrases inwhich the subject receives the action expressed in the verb. Passive voiceemploys a form of the verb to be, such as was or were. Overuse of the passivevoice makes prose seem flat and uninteresting.　　过度使用被动语态会使文章平淡乏味，这和被动语态的性质有关，童鞋们可要学好咯。　　Before: The lessons that prepared me forcollege were taught to me by my mother.After: My mother taught me lessons that willprepare me for college.　　8. Do Seek Multiple Opinions.　　多咨询他人的意见(三人行，必有我师焉)　　Ask your friends and family to keep thesequestions in mind:　　向亲朋好友咨询下列问：　　Have I answered the question?　　回答问题了吗？　　Does my introduction engage the reader? Doesmy conclusion provide closure?　　开头吸引读者吗?结尾说清楚论点了吗？　　Do I use concrete experiences as supportingdetails?　　论据有力吗？　　Is my sentence structure varied, or do I useall long or short sentences?　　句子结构多样化吗?抑或只是单一的长句或短句？　　Are there any clich such as cutting edge orlearned my lesson?　　有诸如“我学到一课”这样的陈词滥调吗？　　Do I use transitions appropriately?　　连接词使用正确吗？　　What about the essay is memorable?　　文章诵读性怎样？　　What's the worst part of the essay?　　文书中最不好的部分是什么？　　What parts of the essay need elaboration orare unclear?　　文书哪些部分需要详细阐述或还不清晰？　　What parts of the essay do not support my mainargument?　　文书哪些部分不支持我的主要观点？　　Is every single sentence crucial to the essay?This must be the case.　　每一独立段落对文章都很重要吗？　　What does the essay reveal about mypersonality?这篇文书展示了我什么个性？　9. Do Answer the Question.　　Many students try to turn a 500-word essayinto a complete autobiography. Not surprisingly, they fail to answer thequestion and risk their chances of attending college. Make sure that everysentence in your essay exists solely to answer the question.许多学生把500字的作文写出了自传，这显然对录取不利。10. Do Revise, Revise, Revise.　　The first step in an improving any essay is tocut, cut, and cut some more.　　润色，润色，再润色：给文书润色的第一步就是大刀阔斧地删减，给文章瘦身，使文章简洁有力。关于留学文书的写作，Bob Lee老师写得非常详细了，在这里直接转载过来，希望能够帮到你！作者：Bob Lee链接：来源：知乎著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。先给题主看一个成功的文书案例：个人比较赞成DIY留学申请，但关于文书这方面的润色修改，在你没有什么把握的情况下，去找中介协助指导也是可以接受的。2012年级学生Brittany Stinson在上周四得知她被五所常春藤大学－耶鲁、哥伦比亚、宾夕法尼亚、达特茅斯、康奈尔以及斯坦福大学录取。斯坦福大学去年的录取率是4.69%－比任何一所常春藤大学都低。Brittany Stinson在接受采访时说“我还在消化这个结果，我太兴奋了”。是什么让她被这几所名校青睐？Brittany Stinson自己的解释是：自己的文书。下面是Brittany Stinson用来申请这些名校的Common App文书：Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.　 Managing to break free from my mother’s grasp, I charged. With arms flailing and chubbylegs fluttering beneath me, I was the ferocious two year old rampaging through Costco on a Saturday morning. My mother’s eyes widened in horroras I
the cinnamon? sugar rocket gracefully sliced its way through the air while I continued my spree. I sprinted through the aisles,looking up in awe at the massive bulk products that towered over me.Overcome with wonder, I wanted to touch and taste, to stick my head intoindustrial?sized freezers, to explore every crevice. I was a conquistador, butrather than searching the land for El Dorado, I scoured aisles for free samples. Before inevitably being whisked away into a shopping cart, Iscaled a mountain of plush toys and surveyed the expanse that lay before me:the kingdom of Costco.Notorious forits oversized portions and dollar? fifty hot dog combo, Costco is the apex of consumerism. From the days spent being toted around in a shopping cartto when I was finally tall enough to reach lofty sample trays, Costco hasendured a steady presence throughout my life. As a veteran Costco shopper,I navigate the aisles of foodstuffs, thrusting the majority of my weight upon agenerously filled shopping cart whose enormity juxtaposes my small frame.Over time, I’ve developed a habit of observing fellow patrons tote theircarts piled with frozen burritos, cheese puffs, tubs of ice cream, and weight?loss supplements.Perusing the aisles gave me time to ponder. Who needs three pounds of sourcream? Was cultured yogurt any more well?mannered than its unculturedcounterpart? Costco gave birth to my unfettered curiosity.　While enjoying an obligatory hot dog, I did not find myself thinking about the ‘allbeef’ goodness that Costco boasted. I instead considered finitudes andinfinitudes, unimagined uses for tubs of sour cream, the projectile motionof said tub when launched from an eighty foot shelf or maybe when pushed from aspeedy cart by a scrawny seventeen year old. I contemplated thephilosophical: If there exists a thirty?three ounce jar of Nutella, do wereally have free will? I experienced a harsh physics lesson while observing ashopper who had no evident familiarity of inertia's workings. With a cartfilled to overflowing, she made her way towards the sloped exit,continuing to push and push while steadily losing control until the cartescaped her and went crashing into a concrete column, 52” plasma screen TVand all. Purchasing the yuletide hickory smoked ham inevitably led to aconversation between my father and me about Andrew Jackson’s controversiality.There was no questioning Old Hickory’ he was steadfast in hisbeliefs and pursuits – ualities I am compelled to admire, yet his moralswere crooked. We both found the ham to be more likeable–and tender.　　I adopted my exploratory skills, fine tuned by Costco, towards my intellectual endeavors.Just as I sampled buffalo?chicken dip or chocolate truffles, I probed therealms of history, dance and biology, all in pursuit of the ideal cart–oneoverflowing with theoretical situations and notions both silly and serious.I sampled calculus, cross?country running, scientific research, all ofwhich are now household favorites. With cart in hand, II absorb the warehouse that is the world. Whether it be through attemptingaerial yoga, learning how to chart blackbody radiation using astronomicalsoftware, or dancing in front of hundreds of people, I am compelled to tryany activity that interests me in the slightest.　　My intense desire to know, to explore beyond the bounds this is whatdefines me. Costco fuels my insatiability and cultivates curiosity withinme at a cellular level. Encoded to immerse myself in the unknown, I findit difficult to complacently accept the “what”; I want to hunt for the “whys”and dissectthe “hows”. In essence, I subsist on discovery.　　 --END--（文书版权归原作者所有，转载仅供参考学习）这篇文书清晰明了，可圈可点，没有特别复杂的长难句和词汇；很多日常生活中的想法和事件都被她一一赘述，看似啰嗦且语无伦次，但这种生活化的学术追求，正是名校教授们所向往的！！从一篇文书中看到共鸣点，看到自己的影子，看到这位学生的独特魅力，再好的留学文书，也不过于此了。人说：写文章要言之有物。中华文化博大精深，你把“语文”的“语”字拆开，“言吾”——说你自己！道理再简单不过了，能感动自己的文书，就能感动AO。但有些点你必须记得：1.美国人喜欢英雄辈出的时代，集体主义思想可能并不是他们被全面接纳；2.美国人崇尚自由表达，保守、千篇一律、阿谀奉承的话语他们不会喜欢；3.美国人喜欢处处皆生活的人权保护态度，不赞成限制人权的语言和行为4.美国人对学术研究很看重，你要千方百计告诉他你的学术能力；5.美国人喜欢特别有意思的人，独立特行不失为一种有效的表达有些不靠谱的文书机构，常做的事情：1.复制粘贴、刻板翻译；2.千篇一律、中规中矩；3.自我中心，文化差异；你有成绩、有能力，言语表达出来却发现：文字平平，特点一般，没有个性，束手束脚，然后当AO看到你的文书像标准答案一样，你就不得不“呵呵哒”了。这是文书修改润色领域里最常见的一个悲剧！！由于留美外籍学生逐年增多，当地院校报名申请呈现井喷态势，AO没那么多时间来完成阅览上千份申请文书的工作量，因此第一轮通过：卡硬指标进行有效淘汰，如：GPA和GT成绩，又或者名校背景（海本或中国的211+985）；第二轮由院系招录委员会成员分批次审核文书，你的文书随机分配到某位招录委员手上，他浏览后发现自己不喜欢，直接淘汰掉，不进入第三轮。尽管有时候你的研究方向很适合另一位教授，依然可能被这位教授淘汰掉（两位教授关系一般、不熟悉等等）。当然如果你运气好，此教授觉得你的申请很适合彼教授，那么你该庆幸了。第三轮审核也就是最后一轮：招录委员会开会，将各批次进入第三轮的申请拿到台面，表决是否通过。这一轮如果是强招，选你进第三轮的教授自然是看重了你的亮点，在会上肯定会力挺你通过，其他教授给个面子，或随便翻翻你的申请，觉得没什么大的意见，那么就恭喜你了。这一轮如果是弱招，那么所谓的招录审核会议什么的，基本就是走个流程，做做样子，在第二轮的时候你已经拿到offer了。可见，一篇好的文书，对你成功申请到一所好的学校，是多么重要！！留学文书是你自己的广告：要重点突出，形象鲜明！一篇成功的essay，是一种比较有针对性的自我介绍，聚焦于申请表格提出的两个问题：（1）回答"Who am I”；（2）回答"What can I provide"针对这两个问题申请者基本可以围绕以下三个方面进行作答：A.申请者的学术或专业兴趣及背景B.欲研究的方向C.未来的职业目标个人陈述切忌：一蹴而就，敷衍了事，内容贫乏、语法错误连篇。关于留学文书的详细写作，Jacky Song说得十分详细了，转来仅供学习和参考：针对“自我陈述”：再好的想法如果不能被充分地表达出来也是枉然。国外的教授一般只能从书面材料来对你的学识、人品和语言能力进行判断，而你也只能以书面的形式来表现 和证明你自己。你和他们之间唯一的媒介是写在纸上的文字。由于洋教授一般不爱读长篇大论，你的篇幅一般有限。你必须使用一些写作技巧。（1）详细解读申请学校的写作说明并了解问题的重点，不赘言，不遗漏，且在要求的字数内完成。例如学校要求五百字内完成(In 500 words or less discuss ...)，则全文最好不要超过五百字。如果学校要求以问答方式来叙述 (Responses to essay questions, Please limit your response to one page.)，即依其要求回答不长过一页。（2）写作时应清楚明确。例如:"I am interested in English literature" 这句话表达不够清楚，而"I was concentrated on Milton and Shakespeare in college" 就明白的说出了申请人的志趣及研究范围。"I was very active as a student representative" 最好说明曾经做什么:"组织活动，主办演讲，沟通学生与校方意见等。"I am attracted to your department by its brilliant faculty."应说明教授的认知是从何而来，如在何处读到某教授的文章而愿受教于他，或某位教授正在从事一项重要研究，与自己欲攻读的研究领域相同等。表达对所申请之系的课程、教师和特性有些了解，依学校之不同而提及某位任教于该校的教授、新课程或该校的某个学位有兴趣。（3）切忌把研究范围和计划限定到过于狭窄。例如：写非某一位教授的研究组不进或者非某一个具体问题不研究。（4）不要用语意模糊的句子。例如 "Your esteemed school"应代以学校的名字。"I will return to serve my country"应明确的说出所要从事的到底是什么工作等。（5）文章需要有一个明确的主题。不要离题，谈论一些不相干的事。需要考虑合理的围绕主题安排材料。多写你自己感兴趣的经历与研究问题。（6）写一个引人入胜的开头--小故事，名人名言，或者有意思的场景或描述，而不要说一些成词滥调，如"I was born in.."或"My parents came from..."。结尾处记得呼应主题。（7）文风可以适当幽默，但是不要太过。态度诚恳认真，不卑不亢。用积极的态度说明弱点，比如托福成绩不高等，但不能表现得过份自信。重要的是给学校一个专业，认真的印象。不能编造经历。（8）不要抄袭，改写书上的样本文章。应详读学校的介绍，了解其要求，再对自己的学业背景、计划加以考虑，写出自己的风格。（9）避免用深奥的字汇，尽量以简单容易的字来表达。检查英文的时态、性别及单多数等方面的错误。一般至少检查三遍，并请别人帮着一起看。可以自己用手机读一遍并录下来，回放听听是否有问题。成功的陈述从未偏离过“我是谁？”和“我能提供些什么？”这两个主题介绍自身，描述你作为有竞争力候选者的潜能。因此，将个人生涯中涉及主题的主要成就，转折点和大事件必须相应地着重突出，分析你的个人简历， 个人历史和记忆，将生涯中决定性事件单独突出。AO 没有太多时间来看一篇文章，每天要被无数篇世界各地的文章轰击，文字阅读的愉悦感一定可以帮助你的内容更易于被接受。所谓文字的愉悦感，在现代社会其实就是清爽，要有一定的幽默感但又不能太作，要有一定的写作技巧又不能太滑。原则上，清爽风趣的文字就是简洁有张力的。针对简洁有一个小窍门：就是减少使用adj形容词，改用v动词。西方文化对动词的热爱简直无与伦比。后期的修改需要注意的事项：（1）内容核对是重中之重，查看是必须介绍而被你遗漏的地方；（2）语言错误是关键，寻找英语过了专八的前辈，实在不行寻找一些便宜的网上机构协助核对审查一遍。也可以寻找英语专业的教师帮你查阅审核一遍。总之，要尽可能确保语言语法上不出现失误。（3）以往的留学申请都是通过纸质媒介，国内早期的申请还会涉及到个人书法笔迹的问题，书法书写好的同学再材料审阅中会有相当大的优势。但目前多以email的方式发送申请材料，这样节约了材料成本和时间成本，方便大家被pass后能第一时间选择下家。无论是纸质材料还是电子版材料，保证材料的干净整洁、排版思路清晰，逻辑思维得体，不要出现杂乱无章的描述。关于留学文书写作的3大技巧，给出了一些有用的知识点，微信admitwrite的信息也很有意思，可以参考学习。当然，留学文书的写作和打磨是非常重要的，不要觉得T成绩、GRE成绩、GPA成绩牛得不行，教授推荐信都是好话，科研论文杠杠的，随便糊弄一下“留学文书”就一定能上HU、UC或MIT这样的世界级顶尖大学。那是绝对不可能的，除非他们的老师都瞎了。因此，花了那么多时间在GPA和GRE上，最后一步的留学文书也请多花一些精力和时间。
海翔留学文书写作注意事项
申请出国留学时，留学文书的写作是必不可少的一个重要部分。虽然不少同学也乐意diy自己的文书，我们也发现越来越多的申请人在第一年fail掉以后，第二年通过找机构代写调整文书思路等，进行reapplication申请到同一所之前被拒的学校。由此更突出文书写作的重要性。下面，海翔留学就为大家重点介绍下留学文书PS写作注意事项。
通常我们所说留学文书包括个人陈述 (Personal Statement)、推荐信 (Letter of Recommendation)、英文简历 (Resume or CV) 、目的陈述 (Statement of Purpose) 以及申请学院所需的Essays等留学申请材料的写作和翻译。如果说托雅G等学术成绩是初步要求，那么留学申请文书重点提供了重要的机会用于补充介绍申请者的学术与非学术背景，即软实力和潜力（soft power & growth potential），这才是真正起决定性作用的。这其中，又以PS对申请成功起到的作用由为关键，也最为申请者头疼。由于中西方语言文化差异和对英文文书写作要点认识不足等诸多因素，导致许多申请人在PS创作过程中也出现了不少问题，例如写作构架混乱，重点不鲜明等。所以，申请者要慎重书写留学文书。有条件的话可以请国外同学或者专门从事留学文书写作的机构进行创作或者修改。1 语言—简明有效
以申请英美院校为例，长度上，通常来说，一篇PS的长度最好为500到1000英文单词。过长的文章容易让人阅读产生疲劳感。选词上，申请英联邦国家和美国的英语可能略有不同，比如英式英语中使用labour, theatre ,traveller表示劳动，戏院，旅行者，而美式英语中使用labor, theater, traveler 。不单单是拼写，选词也有不同。比如对于“预订“，英国人更倾向说booking，而美国人更多用reservation。申请者可以多看范文体会选择，但一般这不是最主要问题。其次，不要太刻意弄许多大词，新词，怪词。有些申请人甚至使用“莎士比亚”时期的英文单词还沾沾得意自以为能充分显示自己词汇量之丰富。笔者就曾见过有的同学通篇使用in that来表达“因为”！但实际上文章流畅表义清楚就可。最后，如有能力可以请国外朋友润色一下，使用些形象化的描述，创造比较生动的意象，比起干巴巴的叙述更有吸引力打动人。比如学会灵活使用词性。举个简单例子，想说某人对你好的像妈妈一样。你可以说She mothers me而不一定She treats me as if she’s my mother…
风格上，一定要简练，不要啰嗦。写成抒情诗的散文虽然容易突出自我不同，但一般对词句章法要求比较高。如果不是英文真的很好，需要谨慎用词。另外，要避免重复出现某些词，尤其是相似的句子，文章显得生硬无趣。笔者就见过4段的文章3段都是I开头。每段必有一句therefore…实在读来烦不胜烦。2 行文—结构清楚，重点突出。开头结尾：一定要花大力气写！
招生官看一篇文章通常就2-3分钟，我们必须利用好开头去吸引他们的注意力。如果能以一个巧妙的结尾与开头呼应，就更好了。可以让重点更加强突出。内容：切忌内容空洞或者主次不分！
很多申请者写文书无外乎出现两种情况，要么素材太多无法取舍，要么经历平凡到似乎根本无从写起。前者容易主次不分而后者就容易内容空洞。海翔留学的建议是：如果你属于前者，要提醒你的是文书写作永远不要想面面俱到！全盘托出地展示在录取委员会官员面前，反而容易亮点不鲜明，重点不突出，成为一个加长版的个人简历。在留学申请旺季时，申请材料堆积如山，冗长简历式的PS只能让人望而却步。有的学生确实经历很丰富，这时一定要比较选材。比方有一申请人就同时当班长，党支书，学生会主席等，组织着班级辩论会，党课，名人讲坛的活动策划。你要全部写在ps里面吗？当然不是，该写哪个职位哪件事例很明显吧。
而对于后者，于小事处挖掘深度是一种好办法，写具体事情过程，你体现的能力，学到的东西。无论怎样，一定要结合实例来写，用例子来展示自己的能力，对所申专业的热爱等，不能泛泛而谈。用事实支持论点，否则毫无说服力。
说到这，大家都明白了PS中什么都是重点，就等于没有重点。但是到底什么才是主次之分的“主”呢？——这里强调，一定要围绕所申请专业进行写作！
在留学申请的过程中，我们常常发现有的申请者费尽心思地找自己的独特之处，但是取得的效果却是南辕北辙。申请人往往用大段篇幅写一些对于申请专业毫不相干的个性和专业素质，表达完全是不着边际的，甚至弄巧成拙。举个例子，比如某个同学要申请的是会计专业，优秀的会计师需要严谨和严格遵守规范，但如果这个学生在自己PS当中一直强调自己爱好极限运动，爱刺激、爱挑战，不走寻常路，那估计结果多数悲剧了。实际上PS需要让录取委员会官员知道你的重点是你申请该专业的明确的强烈的动机，同时具备充分的条件完成该专业的学习。在围绕所申请专业进行PS写作时，既要突出自己独特的个性，又要紧扣申请该专业应具有的专业素质和优势，突出的能力等方面展开来写。不相关的，要大刀阔斧的果断丢弃。逻辑：结构清晰，详略得当
海翔文书专家顾问指出，PS写作一定要做到框架清晰，层层深入，段落之间紧密连接。详略得当，有的放矢。试图使用几条线叠加在一起行文的挑战性较大，一般行文流畅即可。这时候要注意句子和段落之间的语言过渡。不一定要是in addition, therefore，so之类的写雅思作文用的词。过渡的要自然。3
终极提醒：（1）检查PS和每篇essay是否切题！
说来这是最基本的要求，却真的很多申请者没在意。记得有份Essay要求申请人写最能体现自己leadership和teamwork的事情。这个学生通篇写的是参加竞走比赛，自己如何辛苦。当修改文书老师很不解的问她这跟题目有什么关系的时候，学生理直气壮的回答到，我全程都和对手们一起在行走啊，这还不团队合作？？说来也是，这岂不就是个有众多人一起才能进行的比赛吗。问题是，你这不是团队赛，你这只是个人竞技只不过一起的人很多而已。
所以对于有明确写作要求的文书一定要具体分析。拿不准题意思路的时候要多和内行人请教交流。这些要求的内容可能涉及：Career goal 短期长期目标LeadershipFuture ContributionEthical dilemma Important experiences 人生经历中有什么独特的非同寻常的地方Achievements/accomplishments 在这一领域已经取得了什么样的成绩，通过这些活动，表现出何等才干（分析能力、领导才能和交流才能），又有什么需要提高？Setback Understanding about your biz world and development of your majorYour influence 是否具备杰出的品格，比如诚实、可靠、善良、刻苦，优秀的工作习惯和态度等Biography 个人传记，对你最有意义的事情/人; 在自我奋斗的过程中是否需要克服超常的困难，如家庭生活贫困、疾病Why U/Why School/Why Major为什么比别的申请者更具有在事业上成功的把握; 对申请专业感兴趣的原，动机如何加强的等Additional information 不足的地方有没有需要解释的地方（比如成绩）留学文书服务团队提醒各位申请者，在开始写作前做足Brain Storming，把你能想到的idea首先归总到一起，以做素材之用。对所要申请的学校和专业是否有了深入、细致的了解。紧扣学校和专业的要求及特点，突出自己的申请优势.另外可以多拜读优秀申请文章范文，以扩宽自己的思路。（2 ）独创
做自己，写自己。Be yourself! 如果写得比较有创意，再枯燥的主题也能写出彩。除了描述出对你而言有意义的经历事件之外，也要写出你的感悟和思想。（3）修改再修改。
把文章放置一段时间不看，十天半月过后再来看这是不是你想要写的主题。写出真实独特的你。Revise again and again!
以上是由海翔top商科留学为您带来的英美留学文书申请要注意点，希望能够帮到大家。如需进一步了解，或有任何相关疑问，欢迎咨询海翔留学。
此去西洋，深知中国自强之计，舍此无所他求。背负国家之未来，取尽洋人之科学。赴七万里长途，别祖国父母之邦，奋然无悔。
题主需要讲清楚是申请高中，本科还是研究生的文书，因为他们的侧重点是完全不一样的。在侧重品质，学习潜力，专业倾向，学术成就，活动展示甚至情怀和幽默
感等方面的度是不一样的。那么接下来我就通过一系列具体的实例（主要是大陆地区申请者）成功申请到美国名校的真实案例来解答这个问题，希望能给题主一些参
考。（答主私人微信号:Liweilianlaoshi, 需要转载请联系我稿费事宜，本人长期咨询留学考试辅导和留学申请指导，长期在知乎解答问题）案例分析一：2014年 申请到 美国（Harvard Univeristy) 本科的某同学的文书分析。After
several unsuccessful attempts to write the essay which establishes
myself as the perfect kid who had won the world all figured out and
blows the doors to college open for him, i have come to learn with great
disappointment that I may not be the most mature student every college
could hope for. I am, after all, only an insignificant 18-year-old who
is trying to explore himself and teh world around him. (这个首段的写法，能够隐约体现出申请者的CRITICAL THINKING的思维， 兼具谦虚，理性，务实等特点，略带自嘲的幽默感，能够让招生官产生好的印象。）I
explore myself by writing. I love to pour my heart out into my journal
and come back to reminisce about the pieces of me later. sometimes, i
laugh reading my childish toughts, but i am proud of them nevertheless,
for these thoughts, however, immature they may be, were still part and
parcel of the person i was and my attempts to understand myself better. (对于文科生来说，突出的也许只能是思维能力，写作和阅读能力） My
life has been the epitome of the perfection of an innately flawed self.
And yet being around people who are too perfect makes me bored because i
find nothing people-like in them. Perfection, it seems to me, is
itsself a form of imperfection.（flawed beauty 很有CR的思维）I
have learned the hard way not to dwell on my past achievements too much
because doing so might be the very thing that keeps a person from
getting better. One's real strength, as I perceive, comes from his
ability to keep making progress and to keep learning, both inside and
outside the classroom. My regular contempation over life has
taught me a lot of valuable lessons, one of which being it is equally
important to quit thinking anout life and to just live it. I
have lofty ambitions for my life as dreams are what make men great. But i
won't grow sullen or dejected either if my dreams are not realized, for
an ordinary life with sunrise, music and the ones I love is already
amazing enough. （这就是高晓松说的“生活不只有成功和眼前的苟且，还有日落，音乐和挚爱）。挺洒脱的，如果中学生真的能做到这点。估计不能。Sometimes,
i am annoyed by people who gush that China is developing at an
unprecedented speed because they have ignored the fact that some
fundamental elements such as democracy and freedom of speech which are
crucial to any nation's development in the long term are absent in
China. But i am more annoyed by people who spend all day complaining
about this absence and thus fail to see the bright side of China. As far
as I am concerned, seeing the dark side of a society does not
necessarily mean being cynical. After all, only if a person truely loves
this world can he make it a better place. (再次通过巨大的转折，和批判性
思维将作者的思维水平更加准确的表现出来，尤其是这句：”seeing the dark side of a society does not
necessarily mean being cynical.“ 是整篇文章的亮点。）最后一句：After all, only if a
person truely loves this world can he make it a better place. 是不是有种看了
2016年最新Disney Movie" Zootopia" 《疯狂动物城》里面的台词啊，看来优秀和情怀是想通的。The funny thing is that the more i learn, the more ignorant i feel. （很谦虚的写法，但的确是符合CR的理念的）
the fact that i keep having new recognitions just reminds me that no
matter how much knowledge i posses in the future. i will always remain
immature and foolish facing all of the things the whole world contains.
But to me, that is exactly the exciting part of life. I will always have
so much yet to learn and the major discoveries in my life permanetly
life ahead. So i guess in the end, i am glad that i have not had the
world all figured out yet. In fact, I hope i never will. After all, i
can not think of a worse scenario than the one with nothing left to
learn. 学习，保持永远的学习，和首段的观点基本一致，是一篇完整ESSAY的要求。最后一句很有力量，采用了双重否定的强调句型。表达了求知若渴的状态，咱哈佛不就是要这种谦虚，有思想，保持旺盛的学习的动力的学生吗？ 案例分析二： 2016年申请到美国罗彻斯特大学本科的申请文书package的suppliment essays: Answer
Essay Question: February 2015 saw global, record-breaking low
temperatures in the Eastern US and Rochester. Students here who thrive
in white winters (and three beautiful other seasons) wonder how can you
make Rochester ''ever-cooler''?ESSAY RESPONSE. Answer Essay
Question: February 2015 saw global, record-breaking low temperatures in
the Eastern US and Rochester. Students here who thrive in white winters
(and three beautiful other seasons) wonder how can you make Rochester
''ever-cooler''? (max 250 words)这个题目是不是很“狗血”，这个题目是不是很酷， 如何让ROCHESTER 大学看上去更酷？ 在2016年申请文出题狗血程度上，也许只有芝加哥大学和MIT的文书能够超越这道题目了。Living
in Rochester campus, students have to enjoy the white landscape and
endure the boring atmosphere of snowing and snowing. This is especially “
cool” and even cold. In order to end up this boring situation, I decide
to operate and manage a live concert in the snowing days and even I
expect to carry out this activity annually.As I am a layman of
music, I am still fully confident in the University of Rochester because
of the highly-standing school of Eastman in the University of
Rochester. Frankly, I am not sure whether I can lobby the fraternity and
other schoolmates in music department to join us. But I will try my
best because it is the best time for make our school ever cooler,
standing out of the competitors in the USNEWS university rankings.能够写出这个答案的同学，需要对于美国的大学的学院设置比较熟悉，ROCHESTER 有美国三大顶级音乐学院之一的伊士曼音乐学院，所以可以巧妙将2者联系在一起。So,
to prepare a concert in Rochester University successfully, I think we
should have a huge repertoire of songs of various composers，a cluster of
“singing birds” and be strong in orchestra music as well as a pile of
music instruments as there are the edifice of a proper live concert .
All these preparations can be available in Rochester while unavailable
in other academies. You may not find a institute both with such a
wonderful music academy, institutes, and snowing landscape.Financial
Sponsorship is also important as it will be the engine to carry out the
live super” snowing concert” annually. I need to take more time to
think carefully about a shortlist of companies that have a demonstrated
interest in this concert. By qualifying leads in advance, I expect to
have better results in advance and spend my time on the highest possible
necessary attempts (i.e. the warmest welcoming speech).
本文的写作需要
一定的想象力，更需要对于美国大学比较熟悉的背景知识，另外也能体现申请商学院的申请者的“潜在商业思维”
和运作“类似商业活动的组织，创造和实施的能力”， 相对于欠缺想象力的其他申请者来说，本文能让申请者的思维水平 prop up 在招生官的眼前。 案例分析三： 内蒙古大学 市场营销系学生申请到USC 南加州大学（财务）专业硕士的文书分析。
Personal Statement
Interestingly, when comparing with my classmates both in childhood and
university , I find myself quite rare as Chinese companions are hardly
both featured with the strong sensitivity in analyzing statistics and
adept skills in expressing abilities. However, my comprehensive
abilities both in calculation and language skills are by nature and
nurture. Ever since I was a little child, I had a good sense in numbers
and mathematics. This interest and innate capacity can be illustrated
clearly. For example, in my senior high school I was attracted by the
Mathematical Olympiad and then participated in which I got one of the
total 40 entrance tickets through a competitive selection test over the
whole city. Right now, I have learned more complicated mathematic
knowledge and many scientific methods to do statistical analysis, data
management and diagram analysis. I also realized that statistics is so
important and the ability to make use of them is of great importance to
research and study in any field. This is a work that needs great
carefulness and a good sense in statistics and they are just where my
strengths lie.Unfortunately, I once a time had a misconception
that accounting subject alone fails to help me constitute a complete
cognition of the world, although I understand the overt advantages for
majoring the accounting for myself. I thought that accounting work is
only a simple record of data, without any creativity and inspiration and
only by being patient can solve everything in accounting jobs. So, I
chose marketing as my major instead and continued to study in XX
University which witnessed my fully-fledged development. During my
undergraduate years, I fully developed my social abilities and realized
my inner potentials there. My major, marketing, opened a brand new
window for me to an unfamiliar world full of wonders, and enabled me to
communicate better with the business world. I was hard-working in this
major. I honorably won the financial inspirational scholarship of
National Development Bank in the 15th December, 2013 and won the honor
certificate of national scholarship in December the 20th, 2014 with an
overall GPA 3.7 score.Motivated by my language talent and strong
sense in marketing, I soon became better at sales and marketing than
most of my classmates, organizing many campus contests, parties and had
won many prizes. Apart from academic performance, I have also been very
active in extracurricular activities. I was the vice president of Junior
Achievement Club in my school and organized many campus activities such
as welcoming party, graduation ceremony and job mock interviews. In
order to make clear about what students’ popular concerns are and what
they really want to learn from this activity, I designed an
internet-based survey on the school network. After collecting more than a
hundred feedbacks, I summed up all the results, classified similar
answers, concluded the top 3 concerns and reported to the Club
president. Based on the result of the survey, our preparation went
smoothly and efficiently, and finally the activity was very successful.
From then on, I became very interested in doing research and analysis
before carrying out a strategy, and found it valuable and very
meaningful to adjust strategies in management communication or adopt
suitable measures to meet the taste of “customers”.Luckily, my
mom, who is a highly skillful accountant, corrected my misconception on
the core value of accounting and raised high requirements for excellent
accountants. She said that the group of top level accountants always
mastered a certain degree of logical analysis, flexible strategies and
high vision on certain professionals. A wonderful CFO can manage well
the operation of both large corporation and small company by doing
financial analysis on their financial statements. Encouraged by my mom, I
successfully passed the Chinese certificate of accounting
qualification.Now, I started my intern in an accounting firm
where I had the chance to have a professional training, including the
study of the basic principles of accounting, auditing and tax, provided
by this company for all the non-accounting background staffs. These
training courses, plus with a series of business courses in university,
allowed me to understand clearly what and how a professional auditor
should know and behave. Accounting professional needs a strong
background of professional knowledge and rich experience in practice.
Besides, this company sometimes invites professors from famous
universities to offer CPA lessons for us. During this half-year-over
practical working in accounting firm, I have participated in a given
field of practical accounting works, including year-end audit, asset
reconstruction audit and internal control audit for many large
corporations in a number of industries. Through these working
experiences, I have become more familiar with the accounting principles
and been skilled in my accounting techniques. Now ,I am very experienced
in using the computer software and tools to analyze and calculate the
figures , such as Excel、E-audit，Jiu-Qi Report software，SAP corporation
management software. Therefore, I believe now is the best time
for me to apply for the accounting program, since it can equip me with
more in-depth training in financial analysis and general accounting,
which will help me achieve both my intermediate and long-term goals. My
intermediate goal is to receive a complete and systematic education of
accounting as my graduate study, and work in an international company
doing financial analysis upon graduation to gain more working experience
and become more professional. Likewise, my long-term career goal is to
become a professional financial analyst who provides objective financial
analysis and offers effective advices on the company’s operation and
development from the perspectives of statistical figures and financial
report. After that, I will keep working hard to reach my long-term and
final career goal – to become a professional financial analyst. I
believe in the immediate future those who are equipped with a solid
international accounting and financial background will be hailed greatly
no matter in china mainland or in other regions.It seems to be
casualness in my past experiences, but it was logical to line up all the
separate strengths together. While marketing professional training
requires a creative and innovative thinking to explore new things out of
the” BOX”, a qualified accountant is calm and rigorous, being able to
deal with works in strictly logic manner. But in the face of how to
maximize the profit of the corporation business, logic cannot be
separated from creative thinking. In order to scale new heights
academically and to lay a solid foundation for my future career
development, I would like to apply for a Master’s program in accounting
program at highly-standing Marshall School of Business at USC as the top
accounting program in the United States for its renowned faculty. I now
have a burning desire to start a new journey there to become more
competitive in the accounting field, expecting to be initiated into a
first-rate academic environment in which my academic foundation will be
surely consolidated and my business potential will be strengthened. I
believe I am a competent applicant based on my professional intern
experience and clear career goals, and I sincerely ask for your
favorable consideration for admission.In order to scale new
heights academically and to lay a solid foundation for my future career
development, I would like to apply for a Master’s program in accounting
program at highly-standing Marshall School of Business at USC as the top
accounting program in the United States for its renowned faculty. I now
have a burning desire to start a new journey there to become more
competitive in the accounting field, expecting to be initiated into a
first-rate academic environment in which my academic foundation will be
surely consolidated and my business potential will be strengthened. I
believe I am a competent applicant based on my professional working
experience and clear career goals, and I sincerely ask for your
favorable consideration for admission.案例分析四： 吉林大学 EE 专业同学申请到 纽约大学NYU-POLY 的ECE专业研究生的文书分析：
Personal Statment The irrefutable perseverance in pursuing the “absolute
accuracy” is my honor and one of my self-disciplines. I always hold critical
thinking or doubts on those printed papers and then sent them to writers
despite that these behaviors are not fully supported by Chinese fellowships. Take some published books as examples, in the
second edition of 《EDA Technology and Application》，which is the authoritative
book in the departments of computer science and information technology. I surprisingly
found that the program in the question” 4-bit parity check circuit with
the preset verified reduced value” violated the regulations of VHDL language as it is forbidden for any forms of WAIT
sentences in the listed process of sensitive parameter. To name but a few,
there are even at least 5 mistakes or errors in our teachings books I have
found both in terms of publication and in the deducing process. The rigidity
and perseverance in my personality guide me to work on the natural science
without any hesitation. My recent research program on optimal recognition of
warehouse goods began with a journey back to my hometown this new-year holiday
in winter. I went by a small dock yard where I used to play with pats in my
childhood. I found that stevedores there were loading and transferring the
goods delivered by trucks and they worked very hard especially during the cold
weather when their skins in the face and hands were mostly frosted with backs
being humped under heavy pressure. Their jobs mainly consist of two
parts---unloading the goods in different weight, size and fillers from trucks
and then relocating them in different warehouses waiting to be transported again.
These jobs were quite laborious and energy-wasteful especially when they need
to re-recognize and re-classify the goods in different containers after having
been loaded for several days, because the labels and tags there were easily to
be missing and got messed up. I showed my great sympathy on them and this also
ignites my potential curiosity and passion to make use of my ECE knowledge to
help improve their working efficiency and avoid being frosted more. After the new year ’s holiday, I was
eagerly to find the proper solutions to help them while coincidently got to
know that Professor Xia, in South-east university which is an fairly famous
university in the fields of electronic engineering and other science subjects,
was leading a project on optimal recognition of warehouse goods for several
months. I lobbied the professor to allow me to take part in the project. Unlike
the manual recognition, this trial aims to automatically identify the detailed information of intended goods
and then make accurate analysis. Prior to the scanning, the
operation system was equipped in the fixed place in the manufacturing line.
Once the trial took action, the released optical messages were delivered
and cameras then would collect these data which were then transmitted to
industrial computers. After the automatic recognition system works on
these scaled pictures and bar codes, this system can make the correspondingly
immediate response. Interior factors like numbers, size and genres of fillers in
their pre-set experimental variables were rather limited. However, by the
in-field investigation, I gradually become aware that such exterior factors
including the intensity of light, evenness of surface, the pace of camera
shutter as well as the intensity of vibration in the process of transportation
were also contributing factors. I raised my suggestion to Pro. Xia and was then
accepted. our team readjusted those preset algorithm designs in
terms of using rigid ropes to replace hemp ropes, setting five levels of light
intensity from the tiny, less-intense, medium, bright and glare and two levels
of camera pace. These adjustable variables and parameters further strengthened
the justification and values for real-life application, which were then hailed
by the would-be customers who bought this system in the future. Now, our team
members are still struggling for the most effective solution to eliminate the
tiny error in different transporting environment. After two-semester efforts,
we finally published a paper with the chained address in attached documents and
many transportation stops and companies will apply our design into real use to
greatly improve the working efficiency and to make profits as well . But to me,
those laborious loaders will escape from the repetitive jobs of re-recognition
and under extreme weather conditions, they will be seldom injured by being
frostbite, scorching or stuffy. I firmly believe that engineers should
contribute to society in their ways which are differed from artists and
writers. Having determined to be one of
first-rate ECE engineers, I am striving for every possible effort
both in academic studies and professional research. I am going to apply for
NYU-Poly. It provides a platform to furnish their students with advanced theory
and valid practice. It is exact the university that I am destined to apply.
What’s more, NYU-Poly is a university assembling world-class professors and
elite in the ECE field, with an accomplished faculty and modern research
resources. These should help set a good stage for me to exercise my keen mental
power and diligence. If I were accepted, I would be confident that I could make
quick progress in the ECE field. I believe the progress we are making in these
areas will help shape the future of mankind. I would like to be at the
forefront of such progress.（答主私人微信号:Liweilianlaoshi, 需要转载请联系我稿费事宜，本人长期咨询留学考试辅导和留学申请指导，长期在知乎解答问题）
我要学的不仅仅是酷炫的设计，而是一种处理人与自然关系的哲理
哈哈刚刚提交好transfer application。I'm confident to say that I'm the youngest
among the people who has the clearest view and the wildest wish. I'm inheriting
the torch passing from Socrates, Confucius, Marx, Durkheim, Adam Smith and
Keynes. They've done their part to promote people's under
now it's my turn.
是这样的，我不知道这说的是申请哪国学校的文书，但就我的经验来说，如果是申请英国/英联邦国家，个人陈述真的。。用处不大事实上，英国老师对于从中国学生的华丽辞藻中找出干货十分烦恼。他们的学术能力超乎我们想象，而且熟知中国人学生。除了干货（工作经历、获奖经历、发表文章）以外，不要指望华丽的辞藻为你的PS加分。
2015年考过司考后，申请香港JD。整个PS写作都在和律所的涉外律师沟通。个人感觉在“为什么选择香港”这个问题上，有比较出彩的句子。一开始自己写的是："Nowadays,China is making great efforts to further reforms and open up. Constantly coming across Chinese contractors and investors at work setting up Special Purpose Vehicle in Hong Kong or a third country to avoid tax, dodge administrative regulations, or seek different governing laws, I become aware that learning laws of different jurisdictions will be beneficiary and thus, I would like to go deep in this trend. Hong Kong is known for its time-honored legal system where the contract law, the company law, equity and trusts are well developed thanks to the vibrant economic and academic atmosphere, which are what I’m looking for to serve business activities."感受一下最终修改的结果：“Among all jurisdictions, I am particularly desirous of studying laws in Hong Kong. Hong Kong has a sound legal system that gives foreign investors confidence, so Hong Kong Law is frequently chosen as the governing law for Chinese-related transactions. Chinese companies also favour Hong Kong as the dispute resolution centre through litigation, arbitration and mediation for the proximity over forums in London or Singapore. As a city where the East and the West blend,Hong Kong provides a more dynamic context than the US and UK, and as Baroness Hale in the judgment of Stack v Dowden states that “in law, context is everything”, I take the liberty to suggest that this is equally true of studying common law in this legal environment where Hong Kong follows the UK system and learns from the PRC legislation.”如何写好法律PS文书，可以参考：600字的PS，写出深度和逻辑性挑战还是蛮大的~----------------------3月份收到了香港中文大学JD的录取……等待香港大学的信息……希望有好运/(ㄒoㄒ)/
数据库，ps都在这里了，借来的，不用还！自己领取吧。。。。觉得有用希望点个赞，感个谢，当然好东西更要收藏和分享哦！！！！！！著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。作者：陈桦链接：来源：知乎
Two years ago, my mind was blown when I heard about this transgender homecoming female at school. Although I considered myself open-minded before moving here, blindly preaching LGBT pride and wholeheartedly accepting this ideology are two different things. 但将的是我对学校变性人从不接受到接受的过程吧，比较personal，可能写出来对你用处不大。
Madam,I'm AdamLewd did I live, evil I did dwel.Able was I ere I saw Elba.前后左右都是一样的.倒过来看也是一样的!
2011年申请Boston College的时候的短Essay，现在看来好小孩子气，果不其然被BC无情的拒绝了。还是比较适合本科的短essay的，话说PS要求的，U of Chicago和Wake Forest的本科PS要求都满变态的，还挺想看看芝大本科小朋友写的PS的。 With the onward march of time, responsibilities, workloads, and both social and financial responsibilities pile up.
The world we experience becomes small and limited, our eyes go blind to the beauty of life, and our ears turn deaf to the sounds around us.
We find ourselves stuck in a predictable, repetitious cycle, and our understanding of the value of life becomes diluted.
At some point we wake up to realize that we have sacrificed our dreams for the sake of maintaining a life the we have no passion for.
My favorite American writer, Mark Twain, expressed this sentiment perfectly when he wrote, "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sailaway from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Twain’s imperative and the reasoning behind it are why I have such a great passion for backpacking.
Unlike my early travel experiences, nowadays when I am on the road, I spend much of my time talking to all kinds of different people, young and old, rich and poor.
To my surprise, I have found that few people have the word tired or bored stamped on their foreheads, instead they live optimistically and happily. All of these experiences have given me great confidence and strength.I suspect that most people who live in a large metropolis have the feeling that after one whole day of hard work, and when we are exhausted and frustrating. We ask ourselves, is this the life I want? Is this my dream?
That is why my passion for travel runs so deep.
The experience makes me evaluate my life and gives me a better understanding on what is truly important.
When I am on the road there is always a voice echoing in my heart, reminding to take good care of my dreams.
I have found truth in the old saying that getting lost can sometimes help you find yourself.
当年有一个问题是说用140个字母以下的句子来描述自己我写的：let those dream killers kill my self esteem, or use my arrogance as the steam to power my dream?
这个题目让我想到了我的合伙人Andy 2014年在全国25所高校巡讲的时候谈到的一个例子，这是他曾经辅导过的一位学生，申请香港中文大学的社会工作专业。在征求他学生的同意后，使用了她的材料作为案例。因为我很迷Andy的英音，所以每一场都听得特认真，连续听了25场，简直能背出来，所以看到这个问题就一下子联想到了。学生原文：仅做了语言修改的版本：虽然这个版本还算不错啦，但远没有达到理想效果，好吗？这是为什么呢？？首先，上面这段开头完全没有展现出作者的自信，反而隐隐透露出小弱需要外界扶持的即视感！其次，这段文字虽然表明了作者对于从事社会工作的诚心，但没有讲清楚这个诚心到底是什么。所以，仅做了语言修改的开头完全没有达到理想的效果。（原文by Andy：It does not show confidence. It implies a need for support. It asserts and explains a commitment to social work but it does not DEMONSTRATE that commitment.）那么问题来了，到底应该如何打造理想的开头呢？先让我们来看一下原文前两段：开头两端文字中包含很多素材，黄色高亮部分为有效素材，我们要做的是提取这些素材并进行整合和总结！整合了这些素材的开头，会给你意想不到的效果！（原文by Andy：Look at the first two paragraphs of the original. There are elements here from which we can construct a really effective opening paragraph.）下面是经过素材整合的终极版本，见证奇迹的时刻到了！有人要问了，这个终极版本到底是好在哪里呢？让我们好好说道说道。首先，它明确表明了作者朝着申请专业的方向做出了实实在在的努力。从这些努力中，招生官立马就能感知到作者是严肃对待自己的追求，而非儿戏；同时暗示了招生官，我还有很多经历，请往下看！（原文by Andy：It tells the reader that the candidate has actually done something in pursuit of their interests. They immediately know th It alludes to further experiences which make the reader want to continue reading.）再看高亮部分，HIV是一个很能激起读者情绪的话题，然而作者竟然在另一个陌生的国度从事了HIV相关的社会工作，足见作者的成熟和勇气！（原文by Andy：HIV is a particul the candidate’s rapid and unflinching engagement with the issue (in another country and far from her comfort zone!) shows great maturity and bravery.）其次，该段开头有具体的地点和事件描述，让整段文字更真实，凸显了作者独一无二的经历和个人性格，这样更能打动招生官！（该点见下图黄色高亮部分）（原文by Andy：It attempts some sense of narrative and place, which renders it personal, unique, touching and authentic.）再看：请注意黄色高亮部分，该句点明作者已经为申请专业做出努力，并且表明作者的决心：为了自己的选择，未来可以做出更多努力。（原文by Andy：It implies not only that this person is engaged with their intended profession but also suggests that they would make good contributions because they have valid opinions that that they can back up.）最后，黄色高亮部分提到了具体学校名称，这就使得文书更具体，更有个人特点，并且给整个开头带来了一个强有力的总结。（原文by Andy：It mentions the school, which personalises the application and helps to ensure that the paragraph provides a solid summary.）对比原文和终极版，简直不仅保留了原文原意，更是整理了逻辑，充实了细节，表明了决心，让文书开头变得有血有肉，读到这种文书，招生官肯定立马眼前一亮啊，有木有！（原文by Andy：It retains the sincerity of the original opening paragraph, but it does so much more besides!）最后的最后，大家写文书时总担心写不出精彩的开头，的确，好的开头非常重要。在此有一些写文书开头的小经验分享给大家：1. 不要总想着写完美的句子。这样会没法下笔！2. 抱着娱乐的心态，不断尝试用不同的方法展示自己，直到找到最合适的那一种！3. 用上本文展示的方法：先写文书主体，然后从主体内容中找到那个完美的开头！（原文by Andy：Many people get hung up on producing an exciting opening. And yes, it is important. SOME IDEAS ON HOW TO ACHIEVE IT:Don’t spend ages trying to come up with a perfect first line.Experiment with presenting yourself in different ways. Be playful in your experiments before you settle on one approach.Take the approach we’ve just demonstrated! - Just write the body of your essay first and then find the perfect opening inside your essay. ）其实写文书开头有很多方法，多尝试，多思考，好好花时间琢磨琢磨，总能写出最最最打动招生官的开头！（原文by Andy：There are many ways to open your essay, many choices on the order in which to present your involvement in the field, many different aspects of your academic career to highlight.Be reflective in your approach, take your time and you can create an opening para that is 10x more interesting/telling/authentic/compelling and powerful. ）——————————————————我是分割线———————————————————关于Andy其人：毕业于牛津大学，而后获得律师执业资格，在世界知名律所Simmons & Simmons伦敦和香港分所工作多年；此后旅居美国、中国、东南亚和日本；爱好写小说，是文艺圈人，好友中不乏百老汇剧作家和好莱坞职业编剧。2012年在中国访学的时候遇到Raymond（也就是我啦！），共同创立了互联网留学专家平台 ，应用创新的在线教育模式解决留学申请问题。他崇尚自由的工作方式——To work wherever you are, whenever you want. 可以边旅行边工作、在咖啡馆或在一个你喜欢的小镇工作，不必要束缚于规矩繁多的组织、固定的办公室和朝九晚五的固定工作时间，如果能够在保障生活的情况下花主要的精力和时间去实现自己的梦想、做自己热爱的事情才是此生的意义。曾经有一个百老汇外围（broad-Broadway）的小编剧写email给他：“原来他之前晚上写剧本，还经常要自掏腰包找演员排戏，并且期待有一天能有幸被知名的剧评人发现从而能进入“Broadway”的大剧场；所以他白天往往得去餐厅打工，因为写东西的稿费是不够养活自己和自己的梦想；但自从成为平台的顾问之后，做的是自己擅长的事情，既相对轻松又能获得稳定的收入来源，让他可以更加安心地去钻研剧本。他说他会非常认真地对待每一位他的学生，因为他特别珍惜这个平台给予的机会，也希望我们能够坚持下去，让更多的人有机会坚持他们的梦想。” Andy跟我说，每次创业痛苦得快抑郁的时候，想到这封email心里就很温暖也感到责任重大，不知道这个平台可能维系着多少人自己的梦想和自由。【Andy也是腐国美男，据说百赞有曝照噢~】——————————————————第二次分割线———————————————————没想到一天点赞就破百了，好多人私信我要Andy的照片，好吧，征得他的同意后，请接好：
想留学不想花留学机构那个钱的苦逼孩子终于可以空手套文书了…感叹，知乎改变生活【不】
dear stuff
"Working in XXX's Lab for more than two years at UIUC, I am proud of my achievement as co-authors in SCIENCE and PNAS articles."放一句我今年带的一个美本的PS。中国人。我带着他套磁的时候一个加州理工的教授是这么回复的:然后她老人家还一连串的问了一大串问题，比如你什么时候申请啊你具体的career计划是什么啊之类的。最后直接放了句话：然后她老人家还一连串的问了一大串问题，比如你什么时候申请啊你具体的career计划是什么啊之类的。最后直接放了句话：所谓文书，尤其是graduate school的PS，天花烂坠从来不是美国人的口味。很多人海夸的（结果写出来的永远是美国人或者在美国呆久了的人看不懂的chinglish风格）“绚烂文笔”本来就是各种给你的PS减分的。每篇文书committee的平均阅读时间是一分半，如果看了半天大分句，各种状语虚拟加到装，不直接pass才怪呢。最优美，最能打动录取委员会的句子，是你的实力。最后给自己打个小推广，如果有申请相关问题，请戳回答以及每年我都会带着几个学生申请美国本科/硕士/博士，这个过程中给我的满足感是主业工作不能代替的，如果有意向申请合作，请直接加我个人微信：作者：王蛋丁链接：来源：知乎著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。
Therefore, here I am.
先写了拒绝offer，然后再问可以取消这个决定吗？然后被恢复之后再问，我可以延期入学吗。。。但事实上美其名曰调戏办公室，我觉得最后感谢的是母校的大度和雅量，不和我小毛孩一般见识。。。所以我觉得谦虚还是很重要的，毕竟哪所大学都比自己要强的说＝＝以及，非常感谢母校
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