I Tried to Quit & It’s Too Hard! : zen habits
I Tried to Quit & It’s Too Hard!
You might have uttered the title of this post before — I know I did when I tried to quit smoking. And when I considered giving up meat, cheese, sugar, and more.
Quitting something can seem incredibly hard, so much so that we don’t even want to put ourselves through the suffering.
Have you tried giving up alcohol? Marijuana? Biting your nails? Complaining? Cigarettes? Junk food?
I can confirm that it’s hard to quit an addiction, but there are several things that stand in our way:
The physical addiction — this is hard but it only lasts a few days. Fortunately, I can tell you that if you really put your mind to it, you can do anything hard for a few days.
The reliance on it as a coping mechanism — this is a problem because we’re so used to using the addiction as a crutch when we’re stressed or sad or things are difficult or we need to socialize. Fortunately, there are plenty of other healthier ways to cope.
You don’t believe you can do it. This is the worst one, because if you give in to this obstacle, the other two are not conquerable. Fortunately, this one is entirely self-caused, and so the solution is entirely within our hands.
Because it’s so important, we’re going to focus on the last obstacle first.
You Think You Can’t
You’ve heard of the Little Engine That Could … well, our brains are the opposite. They’re the little engines that think they can’t.
And they are amazing at rationalizing why.
Just try giving up something that you rely on (this is what my
is about). At first, you might start to think, “This isn’t too bad … in fact, I’m kinda excited about it!”
But then, when things get a bit difficult, your mind tends to think things like, “This is too hard! I can’t do it! I want to give up!” And then you start to ask, “Why the hell am I doing this to myself? Life is too short to suffer so much.” Then you think, “Just once, one little time, won’t matter. No one will know. One exception won’t hurt anything. It’s the long run that matters.”
Except that one exception does hurt. It leads you to the same rationalization the next time (“One more time won’t hurt”) and then in your mind, you’re not quitting anymore.
Our minds get in our way.
So what can we do? Well, luckily this is entirely fixable. We just have to 1) examine our beliefs, and 2) change them.
Yes, our beliefs are changeable. I know because I’ve changed numerous beliefs, and tested those new beliefs with self-experiments, and found the new ones to be true. The old beliefs will be true, too, if you believe them. Experience will bear out the beliefs getting in your way, if you believe them. But experience can prove better beliefs to be true too, if you’re willing to give them a try.
Let’s take some examples of beliefs that stand in our way:
Old belief: I’m a smoker who is trying to quit but it’s hard. New belief: I don’t smoke. I’m a non-smoker. It’s who I am. (Change your self-identity.)
Old belief: I can’t do it if it’s too hard. New belief: I’ve done hard things before. I can do this if it’s hard. In fact, I’ll take it as a personal challenge.
Old belief: It won’t hurt to do it just once. New belief: It will hurt my trust in myself, which is more important to me than some momentary pleasure.
Old belief: I need my ___ (cigarette, beer, meat, cheese, sweets). New belief: I don’t need it. It’s unnecessary and causing me harm.
Old belief: I have a complicated emotional past with food and can’t do it. New belief: I can focus on the moment, instead of the past. I have the power to decide what goes in my mouth. It’s not complicated, it’s simple — one step at a time.
Old belief: This makes me feel better (comforted, pleasured, joy, etc). New belief: It actually makes me feel worse. I don’t want to do that to myself. I’m going to love myself by doing things that are better for me.
These are only examples — there may be numerous other beliefs that you have about the issue of quitting. But you can’t change them if you don’t know they’re there. Pay attention to what you’re saying to yourself, examine your beliefs, and hold them lightly. They aren’t necessarily true — and in fact, I don’t believe they’re true at all.
It’s just the
wanting to be comforted.
The Physical Addiction
The suffering of withdrawing from physical addiction really only lasts a few days. I’ve seen it with alcohol and drug addiction (in others close to me) and I’ve gone through it with cigarettes. It’s a tough time.
But do you know what’s tougher? Going through pregnancy and labor (based on helping my wife through those), running a marathon or
or doing some other . Starting your own business or going on stage or cramming for the bar exam or going through a tough disease or helping a loved one who is dying or raising a child.
These are things many of us have done — not all of them, but perhaps one or two. And if you haven’t done these things, you’ve done other hard things. Hard things aren’t things to be dreaded. We can make it through them, and be stronger and better off having done it.
Some tips to get you through a hard few days of overcoming physical addiction:
Be accountable. Tell others you’re doing it, and ask them to hold you accountable. Just telling them won’t get you through it, but knowing they’re watching and checking on you and encouraging you will.
Have support. Ask a few close friends to support you. Call on them when you get strong urges. Ask for their help. Lean on them.
Distract yourself. Keep yourself busy. Don’t dwell on the suffering. Do stuff.
Create your environment. Get rid of the cigarettes or sugar. Don’t go out with friends if you’re trying to quit alcohol or cigarettes or junk food — just for a few days. Stock up on healthy stuff. Make your environment friendly to your change.
Get good at getting through an urge. An urge isn’t an absolute command. It’s an itch. . Watch the urge, let it rise, and know that it will pass in a minute. Get through it. Then you’re good.
Find the strategies that work for you, but you can do it.
Your Coping Mechanism
One of the biggest problems with quitting an addiction is that you use it to cope with real problems. When you are stressed, or sick, or sad, or depressed, or going through a crisis, or lonely, or need to socialize in an uncomfortable situation … you use the addiction to cope.
But it’s only a crutch. You can cope without it. You just need to find new strategies.
A few strategies for coping that might help:
Stress: I’ve learned to use exercise, meditation, and simplifying as ways to cope with stress. Going for a run or a walk have helped me tremendously. Talking to other people about your stressful problems also help. So does a mindful cup of tea.
Sad: When I’m sad, I find things in my life to be grateful for. I connect with loved ones. I acknowledge my feelings and realize that it’s OK to be sad sometimes — it reminds you that you’re human. Then I take action and find something I’m passionate about.
Lonely: Actually, while most people would seek the company of others (which isn’t a bad idea), I like to learn to keep myself company. I’m great company when I want to be — I play, I imagine, I write and read and meditate and learn.
Crisis: When there’s a crisis, does leaning on an unhealthy addiction actually make it better? Only in that it gives you a temporary reprieve (going out to have a smoke or a drink) or temporary pleasure (having a cupcake or soda). They don’t take care of the problem, and can actually make it worse (try solving a crisis while inebriated). Instead, allow yourself the reprieve without the addiction — take a walk or meditate. Getting away from the crisis, even for a few minutes, can give you a breather and some perspective. Then figure out what you can do, let go of what you can’t control, and take one action.
Need to socialize: Often we use smoking or drinking or eating as ways to lubricate awkward social situations. But they’re
— you can actually do without them and get stronger without them. You can socialize without these things — try it once and see. You’ll get better at socializing if you do without the crutches.
Sick: Unhealthy addictions don’t help you when you’re sick. Shoveling junk food into your face when you’re sick (I’ve done it many times) might make you feel comforted, but you aren’t doing your health any favors. Instead, nurture yourself. Give yourself some healthier food to fuel the healing process. Give yourself a rest, and a hug.
These strategies can work, if you believe you can do without the addictions. So go back to the previous section (You Think You Can’t) if you’re having troubles.
Final Words
Quitting something can be hard, it’s true. But not quitting them is harder — you have to live with health problems (or other problems) for the rest of your life. That’s years of pain vs. a few days or weeks of struggle. To me, the choice is clear — choose yourself.
Join two million breath-taking readers:Now students' English handwriting（书法）gets worse and worse. That makes their teachers feel worried. Is your English handwriting beautiful? If n
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小题2: of up or down when you write English words or sentences. Those lines on the paper can help you to write words in the right size. Be s
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Now students' English handwriting（书法）gets worse and worse. That makes their teachers feel worried. Is your English handwriting beautiful? If n
小题1:, here are four steps that really work! Use paper with linesUsing paper with lines can keep you writing straight i
小题2: of up or down when you write English words or sentences. Those lines on the paper can help you to write words in the right size. Be s
小题3: to fill the lined space completely. And make sure those capital letters(大写字母) are written properly.Slow downIf your writing is hard to read, try slowing down a little. For some kids, going slower makes the handwriting clear. If you write too q
小题4:, it's hard for you to stop where you should, and even worse, you may make more m
小题5:.Hold your pencil rightWhen you hold your pencil the correct way, writing is much e
小题6:. Some kids press down really hard when they write. That makes the handwriting not nice. Try to be relaxed and don't hold the pencil so hard. Let your writing appear nice and clean. If you do so, people will guess you are a student w 小题7: a good habit. Draw more picturesDrawing can improve your handwriting. You need to use the skills to control your pencil better w
小题8: you are drawing pictures. Even though you have no chance to draw at school, you can practice by y
小题9: at home.
Handwriting is very important. Imagine you are a world-famous movie star or a well-known sports player, what do you do when your f
小题10: run up to you? Give them your autographs(亲笔签名), of course!
Now students' English handwriting（书法）gets worse and worse. That makes their teachers feel worried. Is your English handwriting beautiful? If n
小题1:, here are four steps that really work! Use paper with linesUsing paper with lines can keep you writing straight i
小题2: of up or down when you write English words or sentences. Those lines on the paper can help you to write words in the right size. Be s
小题3: to fill the lined space completely. And make sure those capital letters(大写字母) are written properly.Slow downIf your writing is hard to read, try slowing down a little. For some kids, going slower makes the handwriting clear. If you write too q
小题4:, it's hard for you to stop where you should, and even worse, you may make more m
小题5:.Hold your pencil rightWhen you hold your pencil the correct way, writing is much e
小题6:. Some kids press down really hard when they write. That makes the handwriting not nice. Try to be relaxed and don't hold the pencil so hard. Let your writing appear nice and clean. If you do so, people will guess you are a student w 小题7: a good habit. Draw more picturesDrawing can improve your handwriting. You need to use the skills to control your pencil better w
小题8: you are drawing pictures. Even though you have no chance to draw at school, you can practice by y
小题9: at home.
Handwriting is very important. Imagine you are a world-famous movie star or a well-known sports player, what do you do when your f
小题10: run up to you? Give them your autographs(亲笔签名), of course!
科目:最佳答案见解析解析
试题分析：这篇短文主要介绍了如何写好书法的四个步骤。小题1:联系前文问句及下文四点建议，可知此处意思是，如果不。根据首字母可知填副词not，不。小题2:联系下文，可知句意为：可以让你的书写平直，而不是向上或者向下。根据首字母可知填副词instead，代替，反而。小题3:结合语境可知此处指的是确信把横线上的空间完全占满。根据首字母可知填形容词sure，确信的。小题4:联系前文描述，可知此处指的是如果你写得太快。根据首字母可知填副词quickly，快速地。小题5:联系前文描述，可知此处指的是你会犯更多的错误。结合语境及首字母可知填复数名词mistakes，错误。小题6:联系前文描述，可知此处指的是书写容易多了。根据首字母可知填形容词比较级easier，更容易的。小题7:结合语境可知此处指的是，一个有好习惯的学生。根据首字母可知填介词with，带有，伴随。小题8:结合语境可知此处指的是当你画画时，根据首字母可知填连词while/when当……时。小题9:结合语境可知此处指的是通过你自己练习。根据首字母可知填反身代词yourself，你自己。小题10:联系前文描述，可知此处指的是当你的粉丝们跑向你时，根据首字母可知填复数名词fans，粉丝们，爱好者们。点评：首字母一直是英语考试中的难点，得分率比较低。解答此类题型的方法一般就是根据文章前后句子之间意思推断出词义，并结合首字母推断出所缺单词，然后根据该单词在句子中的句子成分，所起作用，确定单词词形，进行适当词形变化。注意动词，名词等一般要有词形变化，注意主谓语数的一致问题。而介词则没有词形变化。在叙事性短文中，谓语动词多为一般过去时态及现在完成时态，说明性短文中谓语动词多为一般现在时态。知识点:&&基础试题拔高试题热门知识点最新试题
关注我们官方微信关于跟谁学服务支持帮助中心这是个机器人猖狂的时代，请输一下验证码，证明咱是正常人~补全对话W:What do you find is the hardest in________English?M:I find ________ really hard.Sometimes,s too hard for me to ______what the people say.W:Well,you just need a lot of listening ______.The more you listen to English,the _____you will be at it .M:That's true.W:Yd _____buy a radio .Then you can listen to the English Programs ______it.M:Do you think it would _____me?W:Yes,that's good idea.But Ihave another ______.My writen English is not very good,other.M:Oh!Well ,for that ,you'd better find an English penfriend and write in English to each other as ______as possible.
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Isn&t it great when we have ESL students who are very vocal about their needs?
They arrive to their first day of class, tell you all about their English-learning background and describe what they hope to accomplish. When they don&t understand, they tell you. If you&re going too fast, they ask you to slow down. If only all ESL students were like that& By contrast, we are sometimes met with a quiet room full of . How do you know what&s going on in their heads if they don&t say anything? If you have students who are too quiet, chances are there is something they are not telling you, which you&ll need to find out & fast!
Important Things Your Students Are Not Telling You:
I&m hearing too many new words.
Do you give your students long lists of vocabulary words or do you introduce new vocab in digestible sets of five to six words? When you give them instructions, do you use words they may not understand? Students who are too
or don&t want to be disrespectful may not tell you they did not understand half of what you said or the story you read. Make sure you
as appropriate, i.e. before reading a story or giving instructions for a new task. Check for comprehension of the new words, and only then proceed with the task.
It&s too hard for me to do this on my own. Can I work with a classmate?
Some students are overwhelmed by an exercise or task, and would feel much more comfortable working with another student. Don&t underestimate the value of . Lots of students enjoy it and thrive in this type of task. Of course, not all tasks should be completed in pairs or teams. But they shouldn&t have to do everything on their own, either.
Please don&t put me on the spot.
Some students love being in the spotlight, the center of attention. Others would prefer to blend into the wallpaper. If you believe a student in particular is having a hard time with an exercise or task, or if they can&t answer a question, don&t insist in front of the entire class. Check back with the student at the end of class to make sure he/she understood.
Please, be patient with me. I&m trying my best.
You&ve probably seen this happen. A student says he/she does not understand something, and you explain. The student still does not understand, so you re-phrase and try again. The student still does not understand. Under no circumstances must we lose our patience. You try by all means possible to help the student grasp whatever it is he or she is having trouble grasping, and if they still don&t, you set a moment to talk about it, perhaps after class.
I need some time to think before I answer.
Some people don&t like long silences or pauses, and ESL teachers are no different. But sometimes students don&t answer questions as quickly as we&d like them to. The question dangles in the air, and if the student takes too long, we either answer it ourselves or ask another student to do it. Some students need time to think. Give them a few extra seconds, and then perhaps a clue or a nudge to steer them in the right direction.
I don&t care about &Mr. Smith& from the book. This is boring!
Nine out of ten times when students are bored, they are bored with the coursebook. But they might not tell you that. They are not interested in some fictional character&s conversations with his boss or family. Though we should use a
in class, sometimes it&s best to
to better suit our students& interests.
I don&t understand your handwriting.
Students take forever to copy from the board and whisper amongst themselves while they do so. You don&t know that what they are whispering is, &What does question number 2 say?& Some students struggle with your handwriting, but they won&t tell you that. Instead of guessing, it&s far easier to just ask, &Is my writing clear? Let me know if you can read it all.& Try switching from cursive to print handwriting. For longer exercises, you might want to consider giving them copies & it certainly saves time.
Let&s bear in mind that cultural differences may come into play. In some cultures students are taught to respect their teacher, and they don&t want to offend. In others, it is not accustomed for students to make eye contact with their instructor.
Students are also different throughout the world. Some are others are timid and shy. Whatever the reason for your students keeping quiet, just make sure it&s not due to the ones mentioned above!
&Have you ever had an unnaturally quiet class or student? What did you identify to be the problem? Share below!
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