新托福写作评分标准 八大批改得分要点
　　2010年初，ETS决定对新托福写作两篇文章分别采纳&一人一机&相结合的评分方式，改变以往均由两人评分之后取其折中的评价方式。经过这样改变，新托福写作的整体得分(holistic score)是由两位阅卷人和两台机器评价综合分析而产生的。当然，考生拿到的成绩分析中会分别对综合写作(integrated writing) 及独立写作部分(independent writing)进行详细说明。其实，对于较早了解托福产品的教师来说，电脑评分系统(e-raters)已经不是什么新鲜事了。
　　自从2006年新托福考试正式进入中国大陆以来，TPO(TOEFL Practice Online)逐渐在国内盛行，日益受到考生的青睐。TPO是一套在线模拟测试托福考试的系统，考生在线完成测试后，ETS会凭借网络立刻生成相应的得分及评价体系。其中作文考试就是我们所熟知的&E-raters&。可见，ETS在今年伊始采纳电脑评分作为托福写作的主要依据之一并不是&前无古人&的凭空想象，而是基于近五年研究所获得的一个结论：&机器和人工评分相结合的系统更能够真实的(realistic)、客观的(objectified)反映考生的实际交流写作(communicating essays)水平&。虽然目前从官方网页上看不到相关信息，但是这种改革已经如火如荼的展开了。这也许是ETS工作人员还不自信，希望等到测试结果令人满意才正式发布。
　　电脑评分主要关注作文的哪些方面呢?
　　通过对ETS官方的一些文件进行阅读分析，我们不难发现E-raters对写作的以下几个信息点非常关注：
　　新托福写作批改一：语法得分(Grammar)
　　ETS工作人员可以事前通过电脑程序输入写作中不同难度的语法现象及常犯的语法错误事例，因而对于考生的任何一篇文章电脑可以自动识别该习作是否犯了类似的语法错误及其是否使用了较为高级的语法现象。具体来讲，语法能力考查涵盖以下几点：动词使用是否错误、代词指代是否不明、物主代词是否使用正确、主谓是否一致、是否存在不完整句、是否存在粘连句等。毋庸置疑，电脑对于如上语法的判断要比人为操作更为严谨、准确。因为写作是依赖键盘操作，故需要对句子完整性和粘连现象进行评定。但依据笔者的经验，很多考生在短短30分钟是难以达到&语法完美&的程度的，但是他们的作文得分并不低。由此可见，虽然E-raters关注写作的语法得分，但是其重要性位阶是低于ETS 的评分原则的。
　　新托福写作批改二：内容表达载体得分(usage score)
　　该考查点主要关注学生能否用&较为正式的文体&来阐述自己的观点以及单词本身是否使用恰当。该评价并不关注内容是否全面、论证是否有效，而仅仅关注表达文章信息的载体语言是否满足以下几点：表达中冠词是否出现错误、是否使用不准确的词汇、单词使用形式错误(排除拼写)、比较信息表达错误、表达信息偏向口语或者不正式。这些信息点的测试也是通过ETS官方人员事先输入相应程序来实现的。通过电脑评价，这些缺憾更容易被识别，因为个人的主观见解在评分中是容易出现偏差的。但是这里需要提醒一点：我们不能把这些考点的重要性过于夸大，过于苛求我们的学生在托福作文考试中做到正式文体加正式的表达。根据赵质明校长的教学经验，虽然很多学生在托福作文中使用了诸如 &let me take an example of myself&， &okay, that&s very amusing&之类非正式的语言，但是其习作依旧有可能获得满分的成绩。
　　新托福写作批改三：文章文体得分(mechanic score)
　　这个评分主要考查学生是否能够正确的使用英语的标点符号，是否能够满足基本的写作文体要求。具体来讲有如下几点：单词拼写、大写表达是否恰当、标点符号使用是否正确、正确的合成词使用等。一般而言，人为的评价方式对如以上项目的考查和电脑评分无异，差别并不大。由此可见，新的评分方式中加入电脑审查只不过是再次核实人为评价是否可靠、科学。
　　新托福写作批改四：文章语言风格得分(style score)
　　这是从表达载体的宏观角度全面衡量一篇文章的语言风格，比如：被动语态的使用、某些单词的重复现象、单词或者表达信息使用不恰当、是否频繁使用短句或者长句等。这也就是赵质明校长上课常常给学生讲的&word and sentence variety&。这一点托福考试的关注度要远远重于能力类的考试科目。当然，这也是很多考生最难以胜任的一项。根据笔者的教学经验，很多学生虽然有好的构思和充实的论据，但是由于文章表达方式没有符合托福必备语言风格要求的能力，其独立写作仅仅只有3分。
　　新托福写作批改五：文章组织架构得分(organization)
　　讲的通俗一点，组织架构重点考查文章某段话内信息是否衔接得当，段落之间是否逻辑清晰，不存在重复论述的现象。也就是说，文章要让读者看起来&顺畅，不产生疑惑&。这一点正是托福考试评价原则中&coherence&的体现。此外，组织结构得分还要求考生的托福作文符合一般的论文结构，即文章有总论点、分论点及分论点展开等等。这就要求我们考生的文章结构要清晰，论点逻辑关系严谨，字数要基本符合考试要求。
　　新托福写作批改六：文章论述观点展开度评价(development)
　　我相信写作老师一定对development 这个能力不陌生。无论是哪一类国外考试写作部分都涵盖了对文章观点展开详细程度的考查。而这一点恰恰也是汉语文章思维和英语的最大差异之一。汉语的句子之间类似于平行结构，而英语是树状的展开架构。如果套用汉语的思维来完成托福写作，那么文章逻辑是呈跳跃式发展的，故考官读起来会比较费力气。此外，这里还存在一个问题：根据对官方文件的阅读，我们可以看到电脑评分对文章展开的审查力度是有缺憾的。电脑主要是通过对段落内部的逻辑信息表达来判断。也就是说，即使这位考生在观点后附加了评价性语言或者使用了较为充分全面的例子，但是电脑E-raters是不能判断该例证或者因果分析是否符合托福写作之&统一性&原则，即缺乏对文章信息逻辑联系是否合理、严谨的审查能力。比如学生在托福作文中出现如下类似的表达：因为我父亲在家，所以我很爱他，电脑是不能自行进行纠正的。故我们不难看出为什么ETS依旧不愿意完全舍弃主观人为因素在评阅中的积极作用。
　　新托福写作批改七：语言表达难度等级评价(lexical complexity)
　　一篇好的文章不仅其论述手段过人，而且语言的载体功能完美地符合论文一般性要求。所以对于考生的表达词汇难度进行评价是应有之义。简而言之，如果考生能够在文章中展现自己对词汇较为高级的驾驭能力，那么他就有可能获得较高的作文分数。比如big 和enormous两种表达，后者的难度系数要大于前者。当然，我在这里需要澄清一个误区：单词量越大，作文分数越高。在托福考试的考查原则中有一项叫做&无歧视原则&，即&托福考试中不能因为某类学生对相关学科有所了解而使得他在考试中具备有内容意义上的优势。&或者说托福考试不希望看到学生故意地在炫耀自己的词汇量。所以，我希望在教学一线的老师们不要把语言类的模板直接授予学生，这样学生就不能真正的领略什么是写作，就缺乏用自己已有的语言来写出一篇符合托福评分标准文章的意识。笔者曾经教授过一名高中生，他的单词量并不大，但是由于其文章符合评价体系最后是4分。所以我不建议考生或者是我的同事在写作课上故意炫耀自己的词汇量。当然，应对托福写作，考生应该至少具备大学四级水平的词汇量。
　　新托福写作批改八： 分论点表达能力评价(specific-topic vocabulary usage)
　　这是从微观角度来衡量考生能否将其分论点阐释清晰、语言得当的标准。可以这么讲，该评价体系是对organization的细化表达，要求考生对某一个分论点进行详细的论述。需要注意一点的是：托福作文电脑评分中仅仅从单词的使用角度来考查，而没有对文章内部展开的逻辑进行验证。其原因主要是文章展开能力评测可以实现，故这里不再赘述。
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最新讲解：托福写作批改点评 第32期:独立写作 extended family
时间: 11:49:00 来源:可可英语 编辑:wendy
Topic（题目）：Do you agree or disagree? Extended families are not as important as they were in the past.Target text（文章正文）:Nowadays, numerous claims have been made that extended family is not as important as it was in the past. From my perspective, nevertheless, extended family always plays a significant role in our daily lives.Firstly, it is a truth universally acknowledged that extended family forms a tight-knot social group that is tremendously important. Many people have dilemma to make decisions unless they ask their family members for advice. In addition, if one of their family members has made mistakes, they are able to provide suggestions to avoid the predictable mistakes. A case in point is that in Spring Festival last year, my family gathered and had a large meal. My sister Maria was to enter university and she pondered whether she should do a part-time job. After my mother heard about Maria’s problem, she told Maria that it was absolutely significant to get a part-time job. Not only can a part-time job make her more experienced in social skills, it also makes her not overwhelmed by high expenses such as rent. My mother let Maria know things to keep an eye on. Thus, Maria both found a job and did not make many mistakes.Secondly, there is no denying that the family connection can helo a lot when others are in need. The members of an extended family are more likely to receive help from other members when they need something desperately. For instance, my cousin Chris is of greatly intelligence but he is too shy to obtain an opportunity to perform. He knows a lot about physics but his speech audience is only our family. My uncle knows a university professor who is a theoredical physicist and he grabbed the chance to introduce my cousin to the professor. The professor had s meeting with Chris and was impressed. Now Chris tutors undergraduates in school and enjoys his salaries. If my uncle did not know the professor, Chris might never find a chance to prove himself and contribute to physics studying. In another word, the members of an extended family choose to benefit each other firstly because they are a family.From what has been discussed above, we can draw the conclusion that extended families are as important as they were previously. On one hand, family members can get suggestions and advice from the experienced members, on the other hand, the members can benefit others enormously through relationship connection. People who came from an extended family are more capable to win in study, work and life.Revised essay（批改后）：Nowadays, numerous claims have been made that extended family is not as important as it was in the past. [这种引题老套俗气，而且也是纯属编造] From my perspective, nevertheless, extended family always plays a significant role in our [the] daily lives.Firstly, it is a truth universally acknowledged that extended family forms a tight-knot social group that is tremendously important. Many people have [face] dilemma to make decisions unless they ask their family members for advice. [逻辑上太绝对了，难道说向家庭成员咨询意见之后，就不会有这种困境了吗?] In addition, if one of their family members has made mistakes, they are able to provide suggestions to avoid the predictable mistakes. [已经犯了错，怎么能避免这个错?只能说尽量避免带来的后果] A case in point is that in Spring Festival last year, my family gathered and had a large meal. My sister Maria was to enter university and she pondered whether she should do a part-time job. After my mother heard about Maria’s problem, she told Maria that it was absolutely significant to get a part-time job. Not only can a part-time job make her more experienced in social skills, it also makes her not overwhelmed by high expenses such as rent. My mother let Maria know things to keep an eye on. Thus, Maria both found a job and did not make many mistakes. [再读一下你的例子，你只是在最后一句话里面提到了mistake而已，前面和你想证明的观点，有多少联系?你的铺垫也太长了]Secondly, there is no denying that the family connection can helo [拼写错误] a lot when others are in need. The members of an extended family are more likely to receive help from other members when they need something desperately. For instance, my cousin Chris is of greatly intelligence but he is too shy to obtain an opportunity to perform. He knows a lot about physics but his speech audience is only our family. My uncle knows a university professor who is a theoredical physicist and he grabbed the chance to introduce my cousin to the professor. The professor had s [a]meeting with Chris and was impressed. Now Chris tutors undergraduates in school and enjoys his salaries. If my uncle did not know the professor, Chris might never find a chance to prove himself and contribute to physics studying. In another word, the members of an extended family choose to benefit each other firstly because they are a family. [例子部分尽量简洁一些，前因后果还可以更清楚]From what has been discussed above, we [这是你在写作，你得出的结论，改为i] can draw the conclusion that extended families are as important as they were previously. On one hand, family members can get suggestions and advice from the experienced members, on the other hand, the members can benefit others enormously through relationship connection. People who came from an extended family are more capable to win in study, work and life.TPO小站综合点评及批改意见：表述能力比较弱，没有出彩的地方。应尽量积累好的表达语法错误不多，这点不错，继续努力。预估分数：3.3学习建议：1、尝试用反面观点来进行论证。2、写文章前先制定写作大纲。3、写作是需要注意使用的论证方式，写好之后要回看修改。4、注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。5、论证方式要多样化。6、注意论据要多用细节。看是否有更多的论据来支撑观点。
查看全部解释
[ə'diʃən]
想一想再看
n. 增加，附加物，加法
['nju:mərəs]
想一想再看
adj. 为数众多的，许多
[pri'diktəbl]
想一想再看
adj. 可预知的
[əb'tein]
想一想再看
vt. 获得，得到vi. 通用，流行，存在
[pə'fɔ:m]
想一想再看
v. 执行，运转，举行，表演
想一想再看
adj. 外加的；印象深刻的；了不起的；受感动的
[kən'klu:ʒən]
想一想再看
['æbsəlu:tli]
想一想再看
adv. 绝对地，完全地;独立地
['pri:vju:sli]
想一想再看
adv. 先前，在此之前
['benifit]
想一想再看
n. 利益，津贴，保险金，义卖，义演vt.
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新东方托福网络课程:
新东方托福网络课程
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每天向大家推送短小精悍的英语学习资料.
添加方式1.扫描上方可可官方微信二维码。
添加方式2.搜索微信号ikekenet添加即可。后天就要考试了，求高手批改托福独立作文！！我感觉自己这次要悲剧了。。。唉。。。 谢谢大家了。。。_百度知道
后天就要考试了，求高手批改托福独立作文！！我感觉自己这次要悲剧了。。。唉。。。 谢谢大家了。。。
For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget moreon very young children education rather than on universities?Recently I saw a report on the newspaper that the tuition of some primary school has been increasing amazingly and the statistic prove it is a real one. According to the investigation conducted by ZheJiang University, the cost of a child’s education has increased by 78% in the past 5 years. More and more people begin to hold the idea that government should invest more money in the primary education. In contrast, I firmly allege that a government should continue focus more on the development of university.To start with, university has always been the most important factor to the advancement and development of a country. First, most of the successful people, who contribute a lot to our agriculture, industry and any other areas, almost have the experiences of receiving education in colleges. According to DaLian post, one medium specialized in education, reveal that 97% Nobel Prize winners are graduates from universities. Furthermore, besides its contribution to education, most of the best universities have various research centers such as ones in biology, archeology and so on. For example, one of the most important energy institution is in ShangHai Communication
university, which play an indispensable role in the process of finding new energy. As a result, if it couldn’t get enough fund from the government, it would make very negative influence on our country’s future.In addition, young children education doesn’t need so much money as university does. In order to update their equipments, universities have to spend tens of thousands of dollars buy new patents. In contrast, children would never need such expensive stuff for them to acquire information and solve problems. On the other hand, since the university has opened various classes, the students need enough book, magazines and other materials for them to accumulate enough knowledge and find solutions to difficult questions. Adversely, children never need so many resources for the fact that it takes them very long time to finish only one book so that providing them with too many materials is a waste of time.Admittedly, the primary education indeed play an important role in a person’s life. However, it doesn’t mean that government must put more fund into this area because most of the important education work of a child rely on his or her parents rather than on government. In conclusion, it is my belief that government should distribute more money to university than very young children’s education.
提问者采纳
写得挺好的，但有一些小错误。1、continue focus 改为continue to
focus 2、one of the most important energy institution ，其中institution要加s，还有后面which play ，play 加s.3、spend tens of thousands of dollars buy new patents，改为spend tens of thousands of dollars on new patents或(in)buying new patents. 注意spend的用法。4、the primary education indeed play…，play加s
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最近,我在报纸上看到一个报告,一些小学的学费也逐年增加,令人惊讶的是,证明它是一个真正的统计。根据调查由浙江大学,孩子的教育成本增加了78%在过去的五年里。越来越多的人开始举行的想法,政府应该投资更多的钱在初等教育。相反,我坚决主张政府应该继续将更多的注意力放在高校的发展。首先,大学一直是最重要的因素。一个国家的进步和发展。首先,大多数成功人士做了大量工作,对我们的农业、工业和其他领域,几乎有经验的高校接受教育。根据大连职位,一个中等专业教育,表明,诺贝尔奖得主是97%的毕业生。此外,除了它的贡献的教育,大部分最好的大学有各种各样的研究中心(在生物学方面的学识,考古等。例如,一个最重要的能源机构在上海交通大学中扮演不可或缺的角色,而在这个过程中找到新能源。作为一个结果,如果它不能得到足够的资金来自政府,它会让负面影响我们的国家的未来。此外,幼儿教育不需要这么多钱作为大学一样。为了更新设备、大学不得不花费成千上万的美元购买新专利。相反,孩子们不需要这么昂贵的东西让他们获得信息,并解决问题。另一方面,由于大学已经开放多类,学生们需要足够的书、杂志和其他材料,让他们积累e
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